What kind of place was this world you were in?
It was just like this one. The names were just a little different, and the places weren't the same. But there are a lot of people who have the same faces.

-Full Metal Alchemist, The COnqueror of Shambala-

The end of the age of innocence, this day last year.
And innocence is not only in the child's mind. It cannot be measured with age or maturity. It doesn't relate to a key number of landmarks in every human's life-time.
Even in the lack of innocence is innocence.
A white icing dolloped, mini-sponge cake is offered to me. I consume it and wonder why. I don't even like sponge cake. And then I think about my Great-grandfather and Nene unexpecedly...and her room, decorated with Greek and Cypriot trappings. The clutter was a neat and meticulous one. There was barely an inch of wall visible between all the pictures and posters. Her deceased husband's photo hung above the TV and I never forget Patsy-the-piss-Artist telling her he was a very handsome man. A small old lady, with jet black hair was very proud then. She only knew how to write her name, and that she could do in 'eski Turkce' ...Arabic text.

Maybe I shouldn't care about stuff like money. Maybe I should say pish and shake my fist at my persisent overdraft, not bother thinking twice about responsibility, and just go man. Just go. With the world gone so wrong, you can't help but think it's all ending for us sooner or later ...it's only fair isn't it? And what am I doing getting married any way, with the mental maturity of a 17 -year old? Why try to be a wife where there is no need?
Razaul said i looked 21 yesterday. That's gotta count for something.

To think the pain would resonate thus far, and internalise with some deeper hurting. Something you cannot cry out over or cry about. I never thought I would think to regret this time last year. But now I do. I regret...Shmendrik: I am sorry, I have done you evil and cannot undo it. Unicorn: No. Unicorns are in the world again. No sorrow will live in me as long as that joy, save one, but I thank you for that part too. Fare well good magician, I will try to go home.

Happy Birthday, flinch shaped space.
24-years ago tomorrow, you were brought screaming into this world.
Now forever keep your silence.

I blame Park Chan-wook. I blame him and his stupid Lady Vengence, entirely, for no apparent cause or reason other than that I simply I want to blame him. If you haven't watched Old Boy or Lady Vengence, you don't know what you're missing and it's better that you never do, my friend. Ignore all the reviews, or anything anyone idiotly optimistic tells you, because I've never fealt so sick and utterly defiled by a film before.

Owch.

24.
Disenchanted and deeply dissapointed in what I'm growing out of and into.
A feeling of despair and very real emptiness.
Regret.
Hurt.
I dont know if I can pull through this month...I think I might bleed to death. Hmmm...would that be such a tragedy? These days I think I believe too often that my absence wouldn't cause anyone too great a heart ache. Really, Elest isn't filling any great voids in anyones life. She isn't bringing infinate joy to her loved ones. She isn't producing any increadible masterpieces to benefit mankind in the future. She simply just isnt and doesn't, that's what she is and does.

No, it wouldn't be such a great tragedy if I bled to death.

You can't fix the unfixable or go back and change the inevitable. You can't be anything more than what you've become, even if it was all you ever wanted. In the end, we're just left alone with our mistakes, and we get by with all the guilt, and the regret, and the despair, and the crazy nostalgia which is all thanks to nothing and no one but you.
If I could turn back time, would I have done things differently? I don't know. But I am so very flawed, and so very sorry.

Laws don't apply to Israel. As if wiping their asses with the Geneva convention, daily, was not enough, they shamelessly join the Eurovision song contest too.

I got lured into the exotic Yum Yum Thai resturaunt this morning, at the ungodly 9:00 am and was made to sit amidst the lucious, delicious-ness promising surroundings therin, only to be subjected to a diet of fruits, nuts and seeds for the duration of an hour. And I'd skipped breakfast :( At least I got something out of it:

• 3 bars of Divine
• and a sachet of Fair Trade instant hot chocolate, with a happy looking 3rd world man's picture on the back. He wears a hat and glasses, and his name BEs Eusebio Bellen.

Irelevant verdict: With all this hype about FaceBook, no one bothers to read blogs any more.

Meanwhile, in the weird and wonderful world of Elle est Pixi's blog-mind, the most weird and wonderful happenings are amock. (<-- that looks wrong to me but apparently amuck is spealt with an 'o' and not a 'u'. No matter, I shall get something else wrong.)

Surely being bored at work must be one of the worst things in the world, because it entails the brain-cell murderring process of willingly WAITING for the next hour of your life to get wasted away so that you can pack up and go home at last.

And another thing: We don't actually articulate our own names for any purpose other than when introducing ourselves to others, even though it is our own. Throughout our entire lives! As of now, I will address myself in the 3rd person. Get some more wear out of this thing which apparently belongs to me, but is used alot more by everyone else.

Also, as of now I think I will observe more silence. I think I will do this and be more contemplative. I think it may be beneficial to my character.

And now I shall leave you with the thought which follows.
May the Force be with you always.


Literature in general, after all, shows signs of foreign influences and concerns itself with the fundamentals of human life yet fails to exhibit the curiously inbred qualities of fairy-tale plots.
-Maria Tatar