FIRST WEEK OF UNI and...
the 'it's good to be back' feeling is slowly starting to wear off to be replaced by a 'crap, this is my 3rd year...calm down...calm down...breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out' feeling.

Elizabethan Shakespear: is comfortingly familiar and GORDON ROCKS!
Narrating the Nation: seems like something i will appreciate, though I can't say I've taken to the lecturer much...hmmm.
Brit. Lit. and Film: Sucks. the whole bloody 1 hour seminar went straight over my head, and the only detail which seems to have stayed with me is some stupid statement some girl (who is dangerously verging on the border between skinny and anorexic) made about the difference between British film and English film being Hugh Grant...what??? And as if that aint bad enough, it looks like all my lecture and seminar notes for this course are gonna be a jibberish jumble of inconclusive half-sentences, because Clare Brant keeps trailing into herself when she's talking. So basically something she's saying would look a bit like this... Followed by a smile, to herself. No, no full stop.

Other than that, so far its same ol same ol:
~Odd silences with people I am ACQUAINTED not FRIENDS with;
~Enthusiastic Harry is being annoying again;
~Man I don't know anyone in this seminar;
~Maybe if I keep my mouth shut and look bored they won't know I don't know jack;
~Enthusiastic Harry is looking increadibly smug about having made his stupid comment;
~Ah, everyone's laughing, maybe that was a joke. quick must put on vaguely amused smile;
~Everyone except me is organised and is reading all the texts;
~Will someone shut enthusiastic Harry up please;
~DAMN FIRE DRILL!;
~Doodle. Doodle. Doo...ooh look, Masba's drawn a funny picture on her pad;
~Crap Joshua!
~God, it was a mercy to have had forgotten how disgusting the guys on the other side of the screen in the prayer room sound....augh; ...and so forth :)

I might add that there has been an increse in 'crap Joshua' s lately coz The guy is absolutely everywhere in my face. Not only is he in 2 of my lectures already, but as if that aint enough I came out of stupid Brit. Lit. and film today, with a big scowl on my face, truding to the prayer room in the height of my misery, and who do I come face to face with on turning the corner in the second basement? Yes. Him. And I thought I was gonna jump out of my new rocks. Now you tell me how the hell I'm supposed to get over my stupid crush? HA? HA?!

Ehem. I Walked all the way to and back from Senet house lib. today, which I'm rather proud of, and I have Misba to thank for that. hmmm, speaking of which, where is Misba I wonder?
Ah! I got a tx from her. She says she's is in the Room of prayer :)

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of, Waste Your Time, I'm your host, El-e-freRA(H) like the Rah in RahXephon or the Ra as in the ancient Egyptian God, who was murdured in his old age by his power crazed grandaughter, Isis the Goddess of Magic, and fashioner of those nasty litle slithery things we call snakes today. What is the relevance of all this Mythology crap? There is non whatsoever-rer-rer. Am I high? Indeed I am, I'm high on Lychee drink.
In anycase, getting back to our programe, today I would like to declare that there is nothing more shit and pointless than TV. and thats all I have to say. any requests for further elaboration, my be forwarded on to me at my email address.
My second decleration of the day is thus:
Revenge of the fallen angel was promised to be taken out on man. His battle-grounds, moved to the souls of man kind.
Revenge of the fallen angel, however, is not as glamorous as they've been making out since the beggining of the world.
Satan is not as hopelessly romantic as us, it seems...instead, I think he's just increadibly efficient.
No outright revolts against hevean, Milton style. oh no. In fact, I imagine Satan had a good laugh when he read that piece of idealistic 'WHAT-DA HELL?', clinging to the pitiful excuse of an epic poem. and will someone tell me what the point of 'Paradise regained' was? didn't Milton know that sequals have been out of fashion since Haloween?
any way, gettng back to Satan... yes, Satan, who, mind you, is boring as hell, has been quite the man of leasure for some few hundred years. I say this, because I've made an observation about how he works. Like I said, he's terribly efficient, and the best was to destroy human potential, without breaking out in a sweat is simply, to put the human race to sleep.
Yep. The world is infested with Zombies. We are all sleeping so deeply, we might as well be dead. We are living like ants, in a little ant city, under ground. crawling through its tunnels day and night. burrowing deeper and deeper...living by the rules and laws of this brittle structure, because we are all afraid that if we don't, it'll all crumble and colapse over our heads.
And I ask you now? Would that be such a bad thing? Maybe when everything is sweapt away, we'll realise, with no dirt city over our heads; damn the world above ground is huge.
And as for my point...there must be a point after all of this right? well...err..I don't know if I can make it without sounding like an evangelist.. :( but u know what, screw that, Tim Winter says: 'what came first, Insufferable preaching, or its subject matter?'
And so, I say: Wake up neo!
I'm launching a 'beat the system' movement. It's called 'Operation-open-your-eyes.'
...who's with me?

Found a £10 note in Capitain Corellis Mandolin- except, its got Charles Dickens on it...musta put it there a loooong time ago.

Tasks of the day:

The former office idiot, soon to be 3rd year KCL student who shall point and snigger at all the freshies at uni, in aproximately 2 weeks time when term starts (whoopee!), has today:
1) begged her local area housing officer to not kick her out of her new flat for not paying a single instalment of rent since she moved in;
2) sent the tax office an "F you, aint paying your damn taxes!" reply in the form of a letter which states that I am in full time education;
3) and gone down to Japan center to put and add for private English tuition for dem little Nihonjins who are willing to pay an unqualified teacher-cum-student to teach them bad words, and increadibly intellegent insults (Wilde style) in English :)
And while I was doing that, guess what I stubled upon at HMV Picadilly Cricus..THE LAST VOLUME OF FRUITS BASKET! I didn't even know it would have reached shops!

A glorious day for the sad and peniless anime fan.

Day: The day before a blasted hena party I so don't want to go to, but I so should, coz it would be so rude if i didn't. (Yes. I dislike weddings and hena partys, and hen nights, and other such silly little excuses, stupid mortals invent in order to get together an rejoice over practically nothing at all...Bible style.)
Time: 13:43 (no snide remarks this time.)
Location: Uni. Strand building. Lower Basement 1.

In a while I have to go talk to DOT '.' -humanities department secretary- about dropping stupid Australian lit. which I didn't even ask for, but which some stupid course assigning dude put on my 3rd year course list, coz he thought it would be increadibly funny.

And then I have to trek across wterloo bridge, to the waterloo campus where I must collect a letter which I am to use as proof showing that I'm a student in full time education, and therefore, not liable to pay tax. It is times like this that I hate this country. You know, just coz its the 21st century don't mean we no longer have any use for a Robbin Hood. And it was precisely this thought, while I sat in the 91 bus this morning, funming at the tax bill sent to me, which lead me to start fantasizing about a 21st century Robbin Hood. So I've decided to develope a prototype.

right, and dat concludes it...
I am on pott.

DAY: Wednesday- the second day my dad decided to ditch me for some busness he had to attend to after flying half way across the world from Dubai with the intention to spend 'quality time with his kids' among other things.
TIME: 19:01 - and it was so difficult for me to type that coz the damn 9 key on this key board is broken...which means no brakets either!
LOCATION: Internet Cafe

So what did I do after dad ditched me? Pshaw! I went to Camden Town ofcourse, and spent money which doesn't belong to me! Right now I have Saimecan here with me and she is looking increadibly bored, so I will let her write something.
SAIMECAN:jdkvhsjrhfigujskgjs
ELEST: Saimecan! behave urself!
SAIMECAN: no sis, that indeed was the FBI code to hack into their nuclear bomb plant network main frame.
And then she fell off the roof...just as she was eating her icecream.
good bye.
ELEST: ...right..ok. so any way, as I was saying. I spent money :)
SAIMECAN: yes, and i was there tooo...LOTSSS OF MONEYYY!!!
ELEST: oi don't make me feel worse than I already do, it wasn't that lots.
What am I doing now? I am waiting for my time to run out and also for Asma to show up with some questionaire she filled out for me on behalf of her dad. Who is her dad, and what buisness do I have with him? NON OF YOUR FIRGGIN BUISNESS! A POX O' YOUR INQUISITIVENESS!
SAIMECAN: AN ICECREAM MAKER....LOTS OF ICEEECREAM!!! :P
ELEST: shut up kid! ok got a call from Asma. gotta dash now.

Tallyhoo!

Day: 2nd of Rajab
Time: 18:04 (an insignificantly small amount of minutes passing 6 in English, which allows me to round the time off to 6:00- 2 hours 25 minutes before iftar...yes, I'm fasting.)
Location: Uni (not officially back yet, but even being in the building feels good)

Just sent an email to Dr Tim Winter. a.k.a the Cambridge professor of Islamic and Middle Eastern Studies-convert Muslim-increadibly cool guy who looks like Ralph Fines! (And if that doesn't overwhelm you, you gotta say it all in one breath...see.)

I've tried to start this blog off on a good note, but it hasn't seemed to work...Feeling a bit depressed...don't know why.
And what else is new, right? Thats what you were gonna say right? Yeah I know what you were thinking, don't deny it.
I'll tell you what you wasn't thinking though. You wasn't thinking I'd say I was resigned to being this way just as I am resigned to being an Ice-Berg. Yeah, I'm embracing my misery too now. And if you think that's sad, I'll tell you whats more sad. Whats more sad is not knowing who you are any more. Whats more sad is not being able to trust anything you feel or think. Whats more sad is growing up and still having a crush on Peter Pan. Thats more sad. And you can add the fact that I'm 21, to turn it into a true tragey, Nobokov style. "Look at this tangle of thorns." ...Do you know what puts a fancy spin on hating the world though?
Hating yourself.


You're right Chiaki...
My whole life has been a mistake.

My hands are covered in blood.

...So much blood.

All the tears in the universe couldn't wash my hands clean now.

(Akuma no Ororon)

Yes, last night I dreamt of Dustin Hoffman. Why? It is a mystery. Yet the greater mystery is that I actually dreamt that it was Dustin Hoffman, while it was in fact the guy who played Lex Luther in the very first Superman...you remember him? Yeah, well I can't remember his name for the life of me, so you better, and if you don't it doesn't matter really coz who cares right? I mean, of all the people in the world, Dustin Hoffman..??

You can trust a psycopath to make a fancy come-back...thats right, I haven't written here for ages, but now I'm here. Why was I not here before? Well lets see:

Week 1: Painted new place WHITE.
Week 2: Fitted carpets and linoleum flooring.
Week 3: Packed up life, and moved in.

Any way, I'd initially intended for the place to look like a mini monastary, but it has obstinately refused to do so...and now its just kinda minimalistic-ish...I will try to keep it that way, which, at this point, looks like it may prove to be quite a battle, since my family is packing up their lives, and anything my mom decides not to take to Turkey with her, she tries to give to me.

Mom: Elest I want to give you this fruit bowl.
Elest: NO!
Mom: Why? Where will you put your fruits?
Elest: I don't want fruits. I don't want a fruit bowl. I wan't my house empty, like a monastary.
Mom: Ok, I'll give you the spot-lights then.
Elest: NO! NO SPOT-LIGHTS!
Mom: The Shelves?
Elest: NOOOOOOOO SHELVES! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING! I WANT EMPTINESS! EMPTINEEEEEEEEEESSS!
(and Elest loses her mind)
In spite of my refusals I think she may secretly be smuggling unwanted material to my abode, because I sense a clatter...yes, I sense it in the Kitchen. SHe must have hidden something in the cupboards. I will sniff them ouot and do away with them, nothing can escape me! MUWA HA HA HA! (leers like a maniac, shifty eyes gleeming.)

Any way, with all that aside, my current status is thus...
Man of moment: Ororon.
Last Film watched: Big Fish...dodgey film.
Last Manga read: Ororon volume 3.
Creativity: Minimal, read a few pages of Da Novel last night, and highleted the paragraphs I though needed further scrutiny.
Recent Purchases: Books from Waterstones! Oh how exciting!!
Ooh, New Books?: Yep- 'The Maters and Margarita', 'Everything is Illuminated', 'Rebecca' (for English Lit. and Film course), and 'Lolita' (No I'm not a perv, that one's for my Post War American Lit. course.)
Current reading: The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov.
Recent orders from Amazon: Fruits Basket Volume 3! Oh even more exciting! ..and a new Manga called Immortal Rain, lets see if its any good.
Financial status: Not promissing, but could be worse, so Alhamduallah.
Current feelings: I'm hungry...and I have an interresting pain in my lower tummy..hmm.

and now I must go back to helping my mom pack her life.
Tallyhoooo.

Day: of revalation
Time: is irrelivent
Location: the place I make money

A bitter truth has revealed itsself to me: If you process an Ice-berg you can only get slush-puppy. And I don't like slush-puppy. It's a stupid, unhealthy concuction of frozen mush, clinging to the pitiful excuse of a refreshment. And surprise surprise, it is yet another American invention. Which other nation can get so enthusiastic over turning your tongue blue?

I've decided then, that as of today I shall resign myself to a life of floating in an arctic ocean of loneliness, and human indifference. yes. I will be indifferent. And when the frozen winds threatent to blow me out, I will dare them to do their best.
No more trying to be forward. No more forced, sunny smiles, which, instead of warming the soul, blind with their winter brightness.
If my dark attire and grimm countenance, crudely suggests, that having been subjected to a childhood of hardship and loveless-ness, I have chosen to shut the world out and mourn the sterile rigidness of the reality that has been dealt me...then it is only suggesting the truth.

In retrospect then, as of today, my new hero is, Ororon. Yes the tall, thin, freakishly long limbed guy in black, from, you guessed it, a Manga. Unless ofcourse, someone can point out another, who is cold, and heartless and sorrowfully indifferent to the fact that, life has assigned him a role which represents all that is wicked and putrid and cruel...and who can pull all of this off, looking as cool, then I may reconsider. Anyone? No, I thought not. 

Well, no more asking people if they think I am cold.
I know I am cold.
It is the only way I know how to be. And I shall be thus, untill by some miracle, I melt.

"...And try to understand this...the reason why we are alive...is simply because it can't be helped.    I don't want to do this any more...I don't want to live." -Akuma na Ororon

 

Day: Tuesday.
Time: 15 minutes before home time.
Location: Office.
 
I've just noticed that the Men's Toilets in this office has a 'Ladies' sign on it. Urelius suggested that it might be due to finances. Curious.
Anyway, I don't know what to do now, coz its waaay after 5:00 and all the people I'm supposed to be calling have already gone home, coz un-like me and Shakila and everyone elese who is still in this office, they have lives.
Why, am I calling people? Thats a stupid question- To Harrass them into attending an event on Monday ofcourse!
Yeeeeees..as far as the harrassing is concerned, this can be rather enjoyable at times...and at times it can be down right annoying, because I have to act all polite to the person down the line, even if they're being an utter ponce!
Any way. After having a conversation with my mom yesterday, about ME ofcourse, we concluded that I had to develope my people skills, because I come across as extremely cold and distant. This, as you might guess is nothing I can help. However, I've been chewing the idea over like a digesting cow, since then, and it has realy begun to irk me. So today I have asked 2 people if they thought I was cold.
 
Person number 1 Husna Aunty Said: 'Yes you are.'
Person number 2 Rumana Said: 'no you aint.'...  hmmm, what does that tell me? that tells me I gotta ask a third person.
...right, asked Shakila.
Person number 3 Shakila Said: 'I don't know, are you feeling cold?' So I rephrased my question and then she said. 'No, I'm cold. People say I'm aloof' ...man talk about trying to steal my lime-light. THIS IS ABOUT ME! GRRRRR...oh alright, sorry. You can have some of my lime-light. Here. :( And just for the record, Lucifer is not a girl! ..err, I mean, Haido, is not a girl.

Hello, and welcome to another evening of Nocturnal Rants. I am your host, Elest, and our first guest tonight is Shinji, from the anime which blue the world away, Neon Genesis Evangelion.
El: Hello Shinji, how are you?
Shinji: (staring at his hands) I am so F#!*ed up!
El: Errr..oh. ok. So about your role as the First Child, can you tell us how it feels to kick Angel butt, only to have the crap beaten out of u a dozen times over by everyone and anyone on the show? It must get pretty tiring.
Shinji: (is now hugging his knees to himself, and rocking back and forth) I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away...
El: (tries not to be put off by him.) I myself have always wonderred what pleasure the director took in having a kid, pushed to his limits, both physically and mentally...but then that leads me to wonder, what kinda people actually enjoy watching this crap. I mean, a hand full of 14 year olds ruthlessly hospitalised, painstakingly healed, and strapped up in clingy body armour, only to be ruthlessly hosptalised again? I only watched the 'End of Evangellion' and 'Death and Rebirth' episodes, and I was clinically insane for 3 days.
Shinji: I don't wanna die. I do't wana die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die...
El: (is feeling helpless. She scratches her head.) ...Ok. seeing as any trace of a conversation we'd begun has just died a pathetic death, I might as well fill in the silence and speak of my own accord, right? (looks at Shinji who is terribly traumatised) Oh guess what, My SIS IS COMING HOME IN 6 DAYS! WOOHOOOO! (El's enthusiastic cheers has driven Shinji to the brink of his trauma.)
Shinji: I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
El: (ignores Shinji) So yeah, other than that, errr, I'm sure somin worth blogging about happened today, but I find I have forgotten what it was, and any attempt at trying to recall it, is in vain...the blasted thing eludes me.. (looks at Shinji, who is no longer yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Shinji: Help me Aska. Please help me. Aska, help. Help me Aska. Please. Aska?
El: Ok is it possible to get this disfunctional little runt outa here? (two big men in black appear, grap Shinji, who is as limp as a noodle, and walk away with him.) Thank you.
Hey I just realised, they made this blog thing pretty snazzy. You can make your writing colourfull...Yes, we have red, and blue and pink and green and my personal favourate burt orange ...which actually looks friggin brown. oh how shamefull, this is a travesty of burnt orange. I suppose we just gotta settle for this. or this.
But I think I like yello :) Yessssss, I am but a Vangooo at heart :) Which reminds me, Our next guest on the show, is Joseph Stalin. What does Joseph Stalin have to do with Vangooo? You're real dumb you know that? (brushes off her iritation.)
El: Hello.
Stalin: Hmmmm
El: Ok, I'll call up a 3rd guest, coz I have a vague feeling this guy is as interresting a life support machiene. Lets see....someone loud. Aha! The Hoola Hoop Man.
Hoola Hoop Man: OI YOU STALIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
El: Shhhh! Don't shout like that.
Hoola Hoop Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'OOL 'OOPS A' ROUND, AND THEY'LL STAY ROUND FO' EVAAA!
El: (makes the Hool Hoop Man dissapear, before Stalin gets too p..ed off) Ok, that was a bad idea. Lets invite, umm...Hyde! YESSS! ehem, Konbanawa Haido san.
Hyde: Konbanwa.
El: (is grinning like an idiot) Genki desuka? -translation: how are you?
Hyde: Anoooooo. -translation: ummmmm. (scratches his head, and thinks deeply.)
El: (grin dissapears, and she cocks an eyebrow...but is interrupted in mid eyebrow cock and turns to Stalin who is tapping her on the shoulder.) Yes? Whats that? You want to go to the bathroom?
Stalin: Da
El: But you went twice already. What? Your moustach?
Stalin: Da
El: But its fine, why do you need to comb it every few minutes?
Hitler: (appears out of no where.) bicoz it is crrrude. end 'her Stalin, he has en inferiority complex.
Stalin: Da.
El: Oi where did you come from? bugg off!
Hitler: Shut up..or I vill vak you across ze feas!
El: Ha?
Hyde: Anoooo -translation: ummmm (is still scratching his head.)
El: Oh, you shut up and look pretty, idiot, some help you are at keeping up a stimulating conversation.
Hyde: ...
El: Ok, I'm putting my foot down. things are getting out of control here. Hitler, you be gone. (Hitler, miraculously dissapears, just as he'd opene his mouth to say something.) Stalin, here's a comb, here's a mirror, you do your grooming where your told to.
Stalin: (takes the comb and mirror) Da.
El: stupid Ruski.
Stalin: Da.
El: (notices that Hyde, is on his knees and trying to stick his hand under the green sofa.) And what the hell are you doing?
Hyde: (looks at El stupidly) Nani mo. -translation: nothing
El: Then sit'own!
Hyde: ... (has sat down and is fiddling his thumbs.)
El: Right. well I guess the moral of tonights show is that all dictators have moustaches, and good looking men don't necessarily have brains.
Stalin: Da.
El: Next time Ima choose my guests more wisely. What? What do you mean, how about Musolini? He had one in secret idiot, everyone knows that!
...Man I wonder. does anyone ever actually bother reading some of the crap I write here??

Day: I don't know. It's sumin between today and tomorrow.
Time: 1:38 (and thats not in English...its 1:38 in the morning)
Location: now where could I possibly be at an un-godly hour such as this?
Why no sleepy??: Non of ur bloody buisness!

....say, lets pull a Shakila? dis gonna be interresting!

Mood: Unsure...not of my mood...just unsure.
Why?: Unsure.
Status: In pain
Why?: Bad earphones..buzz buzz..hurtsing ears:(
Music: Jiyuu e no shoooutaiiii wo..da daaa...iiiiitsuuu moooo, ume kuri kana..yada yada...something unintelegibly Japanese, I'm sure I'd understand it better if it weren't for the Osaka accent.
Why?: Why Osaka accent? or why am I listening to J-rock? Be more specific..idiot.
Appearance: scruffy. in mismatched Pj's. Pj bottoms have been dyed an ugly lung colour pink...(shudders)
Why?: Coz I put them in the wash with my Orange skirt, which is now ruined beyond wearability.
Why?: coz someone put the evil eye on it.
Why?: coz it was lovely and I'm surrounded by insolent people who don't know how to say 'mashallah'.
Why?: Ok, you've rinsed it now, change the question.
Man of the moment: Hyde.
Why?: coz he lookin especially hot in this videao clip...even if he does keep goin outa tune and launching into a high pitched squeel every so often.
Deep thoughts: ..I should not have had those profitrolls.
Why?: A pox o' your inquisitiveness. piss off!

Post Envelope packing and stamping.

The reason why I like brain dead jobs, is coz the only thing remotely stimulating in this office, goes on in my head...thus, keeping my hands busy and my brain functioning in its usual warped manner, is mighty fine by me.
Oh, I have 3 minutes to finish for the day and leave...my Envelope packing buddies have already departed the office. Pshaw! Sod the 3 minutes. Me go bye bye now.

Oh and I kinda' disclosed the secret of Beirut Express to Husna Aunty earlier on. I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT TO! SHE FORCED ME! SHE HELD ME AT GUN POINT. SHE SUBJECTED ME TO SOVIET TORTURE! I WAS WEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!

Day: Wednesday 14 July 2000..and something or other.
Time: 16:25 (and if u don't know what that is in English, taugh!)
Location: Office (and where else could I possibly be bored enough to blog??)

I'm sure this day is dragging on to bloody spite me, I can swear it is...It seems like its been 4:00 for bloody hours. No the office idiot is not enjoying herself today. She has completed a two page summary for some stupid NHS doccument which was as thick as a bullock, and now she is supposed to be doing research on Religeous discrimination and Human rights legislation...can someone tell me why? It's not like this is gonna save the bloody world is it? I mean, we all know, this place is goin down, so why delude ourselves with friggin research and conferences and projects, and...OOOOhh! a brain dead office task has just landed in my lap! Oh Joy! sticking address labels on big white envelopes- here I come!!

Day: Monday, one and a half weeks before Huden comes back!!
Time: 13:12 (and that's 1:12 pm in English)
Location: Office...yeeeees, I is back, and with a vengeance too.
Vengeance??: Yes, as of to day I have my own account. No more asking Romana what So and SO's password is (grins proudly)...and all thanks to the guy sitting across me, whose name I forgot :(

Man I haven't checked out this site in over a week, let alone written anything...and now I find that that the two pictures of Haido which I'd previously posted, far from clearing up disputes about his sexuality, has in fact made matters worse (as pictures of Haido often do, in my life). Thus, I have concluded, that we will no longer have any more pictures of Haido on this blogg...unless there are any objections..? no? I dind't think so. Hardly likely for there to be a great demand for Haido pictures coming from you, mundane lot, who's ideology of good-looks is restricted to widespread commercial opinion...and we all know what Plato said about ideology. Or wait, was it Socratese...I forget.

Any way, Shakila I promise to change your description...trying to think of something original, so bear with me.

And Tasneem, I sympathise with your attempt to draw an element of victory from peoples little misfortunes. Truly thou dost possess the spirit of The Optimist Opportunist, which is perhaps a rapidly growing species, self-developed to counter universal disfunctionalism and challenge the grimness and eternal dejection that is, present day society.
In short, the world needs people like you who point and laugh at others. Go forth and be fruitful my happy friend.

Right, back to business then. The Office today is boring and...well the usual rally, boring. No Shakila. No Romana. No Mo. A brief trace of Dalia, earlier on, but she's gone too now. And no Beirut Express. Yes. We have now lost hope that he will ever turn up again. We have buried him in the past and inscribed, 'Rest in Pease' upon his grave stone, because WE are dyslexic and proud!
Something very strange happened though, when I walked in this morning. I found Zaki sitting at Romana's desk, and before I could even say, "Hey, where's Roman?" (yes, very polite aren't I, No sweet good-mornings to anyone from me.) He goes to me: "You are Sev'" ...What??

I think I would have been more happy if someone greeted me with: "You are the One, Neo." early Monday Morning. But no. No such luck. I'm afraid my fantasies about being the chosen One, who will do great things to this world, with the lethal end of her mean samurai sword, will have to resume their dwellings inside my warped mind.

Any way, after the wave of confusion eventually ebbed, I found that Zaki only recently found out that, Elest and Sev' are the same person...and that the reason behind Sev's sudden and mysterious disappearance from his cousins life, is that Sev' turned into Elest.
What an enigma.

Could you blame me for trying to make my life more interesting?

Yes this site is looking quite nifty. and yes I haven't posted anything here for a while. this is because I have been trying to harness all my creative energy and channel it towards writing that damn novel, for the past few days...oh did I say writing? Pshaw! Me? Write? I'm afraid all creativity and literary inspiration flies out the window, the moment I sit at my lap top and open that doccument called 'Jezeabel'...and speaking of Jezeabel, apparently the name means, 'unclean and tainted' in Hebrew. trust the Jews to be so obsessed about uncleanliness and unworthiness...sheesh man, very positive outlook on life I say. and peoples thinks'es that I is grimm.

Any way, after having made that discovery I thought of changing my main pratoginist's name, since being something of an enlightened, prophet kind of character, it certainly would not suit him to be called 'dirty'...but then I said (internally ofcourse, incase someone accuses me of anti-Semitism), OI! YOU! JEWWWWS! NOOOOOOOOO! I named my character Jezeable, purely out of the sheer exotic sound of the name, and I am determined to keep him Jezeabel. So sucks to reading between the lines...which amounts to nothing but boring litterature papers.

Huh! and in any case, even if I had changed to second best on the name list, which was 'Matthias', that would probably eventually prove to mean something equally distasteful in the invigorating Hebrew language, such as 'smelly' or 'has never bathed' perhaps.

Any way, apparently I'm notthe only one with writers block, which makes me feel somewhat better. Yes, I had a long chat with Tas today. Woopeeeee!!! What a glorious day for bonding!

And yes, after the lovely conversation, with my lovely Tasy-poo, I found myself to be rather prone to thoughtfull silences, and have done much ponderring over the past few hours, of some very important issues in my life.

And the result of it all, is that I am determined to prove to you people, once and for all, that Hyde is a guy. Who is in fact very capable of growing facial hair, with more potential than Tas know's who! Yes, you guessed right, our once mutual friend, who'se only plight in life (apart from getting married) was to grow an impressive beard, but who, till now, has failed miserably.

So any way, I have rummaged arround the net, for a good 20 minutes, leaving no page unturned, and finally I have found sufficient and conclusive evidence to prove it (Click click new link under 'Click me')... and if your still not convinced, I'm afraid you're asking for too much because, I'm not inclined towards nudity, even if it is the hottest 5 foot 4" guy in the world. So if you're curious about whether he has tools or not, I don't wanna hear about it. dummm dumm dum dummmm...la laaaa laaa...I'm not list-en-inggg...la laaaaa laaaa!

Day: Just turned Wednesday
Time: 12:04
Location: Living room

(I have just discovered that the time which is displayed at the bottom of my posts is wrong. So if you don't want any more confusion in your lives ignore it.)

Well Today the Office idiot, completed the rough draft of a funding proposal (In English dat's just a begging letter) and she has done some filing...Aaaah, God bless brain dead office tasks, I love filing. :)
Whats that? i sound like I'm in a real good mood for someone with a real bad hair cut? it's not called a good mood, its called a temporary spell of boiterous-ness. Yes, Shakila and I launched into 'curiously animated' mode, in the office this afternoon. And if this sudden change from "This is NOT a career, I'm here for the money" American Gothic presenceless office presences, had rightfully raised a few eyebrows, we were too bussy wondering weather Beirut is located in Syria or Lebenon, to notice.

And yes, it is located in Lebenon. and yes Beirut Express is a restraunt, while Beirut Times, seems a more plausible job description for the Mr. Son of an embassidor, impressive cheekbones Beirut Express dude, who graced our grimm office about 3:00 pm-ish, and lightened the mood, merely by sitting cluelessly in the waiting area, across which Shakila was messing up her photocopying out of sheer excitment.

...Oh by the way, Shakila likes three spoons of sugar and a bit of milk, in her coffee. In spite of our air headed giggling, I was able to brew her the perfect cup.
What a glorious day for pipe-sized successes!

It looks crap. and it looks nothing like Hyde's hair style in the Hello video clip...don't bother clicking the temporary link under Click Me- my hair doesn't look a thing like that...or on second thoughts, check it out if you wanna see what it had aspired to be, but failed so miserably i the process. ...seen it? yeah, a bit ambitious aren't I?
Yet all in all, at times like this one appreciates more, what one often takes for granted, for instance: it has been unmistakeably demonstrated once again, through my ingenious ability to invent new ways of getting myself into crap and regretting it, that Islam, far from making life more difficult for people, makes life easier...and especially for the likes of me.
Alhamdullah, for the glorious invention that is the hijab! It has liberated women from the shame of bad hair days!

In a fit of madness and a desire to be freakishly unattractive I have chopped off all of my hair.
the back of my head is practically bald (not a sight you'd wanna see), and the rest is just real short...I kinda tried to make it Haido style (click the temporary link under Click Me) but just how much it came over is questionable...and although it looks kinda Rock-starish right now, how its gonna look after a bath is a mystery.
Well, at least one thing I can say for certain, is that Rapunzel is no more.

DIE RAPUNZEL, DIE! MUWA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

..ehem...Thank You.

Imam Bayildi (the imam fainted) is a very popular turkish dish made of eggplant, which is plit down the middle, stuffed with mince meat, coverd with tomato sauce, then put into the oven. basically one might describe it as stuffed egg plant. it goes best with rice and is in fact very similar to another eggplant dish called Karni Yarik (its stomach is slit). So much so that I, who have been half Turkish fro 21 years, still cannot tell the difference between the two because they are prepared so smilarly and taste exactly the same.

YEAH, I KNOW THE BLOODY PICTURE IS MISSING! A POX O'YOUR INSOLENCE, I'M WORKING ON IT!