Day: of revalation
Time: is irrelivent
Location: the place I make money

A bitter truth has revealed itsself to me: If you process an Ice-berg you can only get slush-puppy. And I don't like slush-puppy. It's a stupid, unhealthy concuction of frozen mush, clinging to the pitiful excuse of a refreshment. And surprise surprise, it is yet another American invention. Which other nation can get so enthusiastic over turning your tongue blue?

I've decided then, that as of today I shall resign myself to a life of floating in an arctic ocean of loneliness, and human indifference. yes. I will be indifferent. And when the frozen winds threatent to blow me out, I will dare them to do their best.
No more trying to be forward. No more forced, sunny smiles, which, instead of warming the soul, blind with their winter brightness.
If my dark attire and grimm countenance, crudely suggests, that having been subjected to a childhood of hardship and loveless-ness, I have chosen to shut the world out and mourn the sterile rigidness of the reality that has been dealt me...then it is only suggesting the truth.

In retrospect then, as of today, my new hero is, Ororon. Yes the tall, thin, freakishly long limbed guy in black, from, you guessed it, a Manga. Unless ofcourse, someone can point out another, who is cold, and heartless and sorrowfully indifferent to the fact that, life has assigned him a role which represents all that is wicked and putrid and cruel...and who can pull all of this off, looking as cool, then I may reconsider. Anyone? No, I thought not. 

Well, no more asking people if they think I am cold.
I know I am cold.
It is the only way I know how to be. And I shall be thus, untill by some miracle, I melt.

"...And try to understand this...the reason why we are alive...is simply because it can't be helped.    I don't want to do this any more...I don't want to live." -Akuma na Ororon

 

Day: Tuesday.
Time: 15 minutes before home time.
Location: Office.
 
I've just noticed that the Men's Toilets in this office has a 'Ladies' sign on it. Urelius suggested that it might be due to finances. Curious.
Anyway, I don't know what to do now, coz its waaay after 5:00 and all the people I'm supposed to be calling have already gone home, coz un-like me and Shakila and everyone elese who is still in this office, they have lives.
Why, am I calling people? Thats a stupid question- To Harrass them into attending an event on Monday ofcourse!
Yeeeeees..as far as the harrassing is concerned, this can be rather enjoyable at times...and at times it can be down right annoying, because I have to act all polite to the person down the line, even if they're being an utter ponce!
Any way. After having a conversation with my mom yesterday, about ME ofcourse, we concluded that I had to develope my people skills, because I come across as extremely cold and distant. This, as you might guess is nothing I can help. However, I've been chewing the idea over like a digesting cow, since then, and it has realy begun to irk me. So today I have asked 2 people if they thought I was cold.
 
Person number 1 Husna Aunty Said: 'Yes you are.'
Person number 2 Rumana Said: 'no you aint.'...  hmmm, what does that tell me? that tells me I gotta ask a third person.
...right, asked Shakila.
Person number 3 Shakila Said: 'I don't know, are you feeling cold?' So I rephrased my question and then she said. 'No, I'm cold. People say I'm aloof' ...man talk about trying to steal my lime-light. THIS IS ABOUT ME! GRRRRR...oh alright, sorry. You can have some of my lime-light. Here. :( And just for the record, Lucifer is not a girl! ..err, I mean, Haido, is not a girl.

Hello, and welcome to another evening of Nocturnal Rants. I am your host, Elest, and our first guest tonight is Shinji, from the anime which blue the world away, Neon Genesis Evangelion.
El: Hello Shinji, how are you?
Shinji: (staring at his hands) I am so F#!*ed up!
El: Errr..oh. ok. So about your role as the First Child, can you tell us how it feels to kick Angel butt, only to have the crap beaten out of u a dozen times over by everyone and anyone on the show? It must get pretty tiring.
Shinji: (is now hugging his knees to himself, and rocking back and forth) I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away...
El: (tries not to be put off by him.) I myself have always wonderred what pleasure the director took in having a kid, pushed to his limits, both physically and mentally...but then that leads me to wonder, what kinda people actually enjoy watching this crap. I mean, a hand full of 14 year olds ruthlessly hospitalised, painstakingly healed, and strapped up in clingy body armour, only to be ruthlessly hosptalised again? I only watched the 'End of Evangellion' and 'Death and Rebirth' episodes, and I was clinically insane for 3 days.
Shinji: I don't wanna die. I do't wana die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die...
El: (is feeling helpless. She scratches her head.) ...Ok. seeing as any trace of a conversation we'd begun has just died a pathetic death, I might as well fill in the silence and speak of my own accord, right? (looks at Shinji who is terribly traumatised) Oh guess what, My SIS IS COMING HOME IN 6 DAYS! WOOHOOOO! (El's enthusiastic cheers has driven Shinji to the brink of his trauma.)
Shinji: I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
El: (ignores Shinji) So yeah, other than that, errr, I'm sure somin worth blogging about happened today, but I find I have forgotten what it was, and any attempt at trying to recall it, is in vain...the blasted thing eludes me.. (looks at Shinji, who is no longer yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Shinji: Help me Aska. Please help me. Aska, help. Help me Aska. Please. Aska?
El: Ok is it possible to get this disfunctional little runt outa here? (two big men in black appear, grap Shinji, who is as limp as a noodle, and walk away with him.) Thank you.
Hey I just realised, they made this blog thing pretty snazzy. You can make your writing colourfull...Yes, we have red, and blue and pink and green and my personal favourate burt orange ...which actually looks friggin brown. oh how shamefull, this is a travesty of burnt orange. I suppose we just gotta settle for this. or this.
But I think I like yello :) Yessssss, I am but a Vangooo at heart :) Which reminds me, Our next guest on the show, is Joseph Stalin. What does Joseph Stalin have to do with Vangooo? You're real dumb you know that? (brushes off her iritation.)
El: Hello.
Stalin: Hmmmm
El: Ok, I'll call up a 3rd guest, coz I have a vague feeling this guy is as interresting a life support machiene. Lets see....someone loud. Aha! The Hoola Hoop Man.
Hoola Hoop Man: OI YOU STALIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
El: Shhhh! Don't shout like that.
Hoola Hoop Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'OOL 'OOPS A' ROUND, AND THEY'LL STAY ROUND FO' EVAAA!
El: (makes the Hool Hoop Man dissapear, before Stalin gets too p..ed off) Ok, that was a bad idea. Lets invite, umm...Hyde! YESSS! ehem, Konbanawa Haido san.
Hyde: Konbanwa.
El: (is grinning like an idiot) Genki desuka? -translation: how are you?
Hyde: Anoooooo. -translation: ummmmm. (scratches his head, and thinks deeply.)
El: (grin dissapears, and she cocks an eyebrow...but is interrupted in mid eyebrow cock and turns to Stalin who is tapping her on the shoulder.) Yes? Whats that? You want to go to the bathroom?
Stalin: Da
El: But you went twice already. What? Your moustach?
Stalin: Da
El: But its fine, why do you need to comb it every few minutes?
Hitler: (appears out of no where.) bicoz it is crrrude. end 'her Stalin, he has en inferiority complex.
Stalin: Da.
El: Oi where did you come from? bugg off!
Hitler: Shut up..or I vill vak you across ze feas!
El: Ha?
Hyde: Anoooo -translation: ummmm (is still scratching his head.)
El: Oh, you shut up and look pretty, idiot, some help you are at keeping up a stimulating conversation.
Hyde: ...
El: Ok, I'm putting my foot down. things are getting out of control here. Hitler, you be gone. (Hitler, miraculously dissapears, just as he'd opene his mouth to say something.) Stalin, here's a comb, here's a mirror, you do your grooming where your told to.
Stalin: (takes the comb and mirror) Da.
El: stupid Ruski.
Stalin: Da.
El: (notices that Hyde, is on his knees and trying to stick his hand under the green sofa.) And what the hell are you doing?
Hyde: (looks at El stupidly) Nani mo. -translation: nothing
El: Then sit'own!
Hyde: ... (has sat down and is fiddling his thumbs.)
El: Right. well I guess the moral of tonights show is that all dictators have moustaches, and good looking men don't necessarily have brains.
Stalin: Da.
El: Next time Ima choose my guests more wisely. What? What do you mean, how about Musolini? He had one in secret idiot, everyone knows that!
...Man I wonder. does anyone ever actually bother reading some of the crap I write here??

Day: I don't know. It's sumin between today and tomorrow.
Time: 1:38 (and thats not in English...its 1:38 in the morning)
Location: now where could I possibly be at an un-godly hour such as this?
Why no sleepy??: Non of ur bloody buisness!

....say, lets pull a Shakila? dis gonna be interresting!

Mood: Unsure...not of my mood...just unsure.
Why?: Unsure.
Status: In pain
Why?: Bad earphones..buzz buzz..hurtsing ears:(
Music: Jiyuu e no shoooutaiiii wo..da daaa...iiiiitsuuu moooo, ume kuri kana..yada yada...something unintelegibly Japanese, I'm sure I'd understand it better if it weren't for the Osaka accent.
Why?: Why Osaka accent? or why am I listening to J-rock? Be more specific..idiot.
Appearance: scruffy. in mismatched Pj's. Pj bottoms have been dyed an ugly lung colour pink...(shudders)
Why?: Coz I put them in the wash with my Orange skirt, which is now ruined beyond wearability.
Why?: coz someone put the evil eye on it.
Why?: coz it was lovely and I'm surrounded by insolent people who don't know how to say 'mashallah'.
Why?: Ok, you've rinsed it now, change the question.
Man of the moment: Hyde.
Why?: coz he lookin especially hot in this videao clip...even if he does keep goin outa tune and launching into a high pitched squeel every so often.
Deep thoughts: ..I should not have had those profitrolls.
Why?: A pox o' your inquisitiveness. piss off!

Post Envelope packing and stamping.

The reason why I like brain dead jobs, is coz the only thing remotely stimulating in this office, goes on in my head...thus, keeping my hands busy and my brain functioning in its usual warped manner, is mighty fine by me.
Oh, I have 3 minutes to finish for the day and leave...my Envelope packing buddies have already departed the office. Pshaw! Sod the 3 minutes. Me go bye bye now.

Oh and I kinda' disclosed the secret of Beirut Express to Husna Aunty earlier on. I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT TO! SHE FORCED ME! SHE HELD ME AT GUN POINT. SHE SUBJECTED ME TO SOVIET TORTURE! I WAS WEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!

Day: Wednesday 14 July 2000..and something or other.
Time: 16:25 (and if u don't know what that is in English, taugh!)
Location: Office (and where else could I possibly be bored enough to blog??)

I'm sure this day is dragging on to bloody spite me, I can swear it is...It seems like its been 4:00 for bloody hours. No the office idiot is not enjoying herself today. She has completed a two page summary for some stupid NHS doccument which was as thick as a bullock, and now she is supposed to be doing research on Religeous discrimination and Human rights legislation...can someone tell me why? It's not like this is gonna save the bloody world is it? I mean, we all know, this place is goin down, so why delude ourselves with friggin research and conferences and projects, and...OOOOhh! a brain dead office task has just landed in my lap! Oh Joy! sticking address labels on big white envelopes- here I come!!

Day: Monday, one and a half weeks before Huden comes back!!
Time: 13:12 (and that's 1:12 pm in English)
Location: Office...yeeeees, I is back, and with a vengeance too.
Vengeance??: Yes, as of to day I have my own account. No more asking Romana what So and SO's password is (grins proudly)...and all thanks to the guy sitting across me, whose name I forgot :(

Man I haven't checked out this site in over a week, let alone written anything...and now I find that that the two pictures of Haido which I'd previously posted, far from clearing up disputes about his sexuality, has in fact made matters worse (as pictures of Haido often do, in my life). Thus, I have concluded, that we will no longer have any more pictures of Haido on this blogg...unless there are any objections..? no? I dind't think so. Hardly likely for there to be a great demand for Haido pictures coming from you, mundane lot, who's ideology of good-looks is restricted to widespread commercial opinion...and we all know what Plato said about ideology. Or wait, was it Socratese...I forget.

Any way, Shakila I promise to change your description...trying to think of something original, so bear with me.

And Tasneem, I sympathise with your attempt to draw an element of victory from peoples little misfortunes. Truly thou dost possess the spirit of The Optimist Opportunist, which is perhaps a rapidly growing species, self-developed to counter universal disfunctionalism and challenge the grimness and eternal dejection that is, present day society.
In short, the world needs people like you who point and laugh at others. Go forth and be fruitful my happy friend.

Right, back to business then. The Office today is boring and...well the usual rally, boring. No Shakila. No Romana. No Mo. A brief trace of Dalia, earlier on, but she's gone too now. And no Beirut Express. Yes. We have now lost hope that he will ever turn up again. We have buried him in the past and inscribed, 'Rest in Pease' upon his grave stone, because WE are dyslexic and proud!
Something very strange happened though, when I walked in this morning. I found Zaki sitting at Romana's desk, and before I could even say, "Hey, where's Roman?" (yes, very polite aren't I, No sweet good-mornings to anyone from me.) He goes to me: "You are Sev'" ...What??

I think I would have been more happy if someone greeted me with: "You are the One, Neo." early Monday Morning. But no. No such luck. I'm afraid my fantasies about being the chosen One, who will do great things to this world, with the lethal end of her mean samurai sword, will have to resume their dwellings inside my warped mind.

Any way, after the wave of confusion eventually ebbed, I found that Zaki only recently found out that, Elest and Sev' are the same person...and that the reason behind Sev's sudden and mysterious disappearance from his cousins life, is that Sev' turned into Elest.
What an enigma.

Could you blame me for trying to make my life more interesting?

Yes this site is looking quite nifty. and yes I haven't posted anything here for a while. this is because I have been trying to harness all my creative energy and channel it towards writing that damn novel, for the past few days...oh did I say writing? Pshaw! Me? Write? I'm afraid all creativity and literary inspiration flies out the window, the moment I sit at my lap top and open that doccument called 'Jezeabel'...and speaking of Jezeabel, apparently the name means, 'unclean and tainted' in Hebrew. trust the Jews to be so obsessed about uncleanliness and unworthiness...sheesh man, very positive outlook on life I say. and peoples thinks'es that I is grimm.

Any way, after having made that discovery I thought of changing my main pratoginist's name, since being something of an enlightened, prophet kind of character, it certainly would not suit him to be called 'dirty'...but then I said (internally ofcourse, incase someone accuses me of anti-Semitism), OI! YOU! JEWWWWS! NOOOOOOOOO! I named my character Jezeable, purely out of the sheer exotic sound of the name, and I am determined to keep him Jezeabel. So sucks to reading between the lines...which amounts to nothing but boring litterature papers.

Huh! and in any case, even if I had changed to second best on the name list, which was 'Matthias', that would probably eventually prove to mean something equally distasteful in the invigorating Hebrew language, such as 'smelly' or 'has never bathed' perhaps.

Any way, apparently I'm notthe only one with writers block, which makes me feel somewhat better. Yes, I had a long chat with Tas today. Woopeeeee!!! What a glorious day for bonding!

And yes, after the lovely conversation, with my lovely Tasy-poo, I found myself to be rather prone to thoughtfull silences, and have done much ponderring over the past few hours, of some very important issues in my life.

And the result of it all, is that I am determined to prove to you people, once and for all, that Hyde is a guy. Who is in fact very capable of growing facial hair, with more potential than Tas know's who! Yes, you guessed right, our once mutual friend, who'se only plight in life (apart from getting married) was to grow an impressive beard, but who, till now, has failed miserably.

So any way, I have rummaged arround the net, for a good 20 minutes, leaving no page unturned, and finally I have found sufficient and conclusive evidence to prove it (Click click new link under 'Click me')... and if your still not convinced, I'm afraid you're asking for too much because, I'm not inclined towards nudity, even if it is the hottest 5 foot 4" guy in the world. So if you're curious about whether he has tools or not, I don't wanna hear about it. dummm dumm dum dummmm...la laaaa laaa...I'm not list-en-inggg...la laaaaa laaaa!