Date: got 2 days left :(
Time: one fifteen in the morning.
Location: Bedroom.
Sounds: heavy breathing of sisters who are fast asleep in their beds behind me, and the tap tap of my keys echoing throughout the entire house...there goes the 's' and the 'g' and the 'o' and the 'm'...put 'em together and they would spell 'sgom', which would make no sense which doesn't matter any way coz it's besides the point and i've gone off on one... all u need to know is that i'm making too much noise.
Feelings: suspended in limbo.
Thoughts: What's the point of trying so hard at living if we're all gonna die any way?
Fears: Wha?...AAAH!..DAMN! I SCARED THE SH#* OUTA MYSELF! DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN!
Desires: errr, non...oh wait!..Drown my thoughts in something stupid...like manga. Why manga?

1. 'coz retail therapy in terms of clothes and shoes and pretty things don't work with me any more...
2. as for yumm yumms, i think i've gone off my central source of sustinance, namely ice cream...
3. smoking, on the other hand, is a disgusting habbit, and the blasted thing just don't seem to grow on me...
4. and last but not least; I used to be a vaguely intellectual and well read individual once upon a time, but my literature degree killed that...so now, not only do i not have the time to read for pleasure thanx to course work stress, but even emails more than a paragraph long piss me off. so next time u wana mail or text me, bear in mind that my attention span has diminished, and i can just about only do speech bubbles now. thank you.

...so, manga will be just fine thanx, and if you give me some anime to boot, i'll love u even more for it.
God al-mighty...will someone please give me some direction... I've lost my bearings, and my hope and resolve and faith and enthusiasim. Is this all? They lied to us when we were kids didn't they? They made us believe there was something more to this.
And do u know whats worse than disillusionment? ..Seeing a poor blind old man, sitting outside a mosque, selling little scraps of homemade knitware in the freezig cold, to cling to, with the last of his strength, what i have come to despise so much. it makes u think; I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING KNIT, I'M SO FUCKING USELESS, AND I GOT THE FUCKING NERVE TO FUCKING COMPLAIN!

ELEST, YOU'RE A USELSESS, MISERABLE LITTLE SHIT, JUST DIE AND DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR!

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces.
Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere.
Their tears are filling up their glasses, no expression, no expression.
Hide my head I wan'to drown my sorrow, no tomorrow, no tomorrow.

And I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles, it's a very, very...mad world.

-Gary Jules-

boo

Aaah, having access to broadband internet 24/7 in the comfort of ones home is surely bliss :)
Hello world, this is Elest blogging live from Ankaray. Local time here is 20:20, and the weather is FREE-EEE-EEE-ZEEENG.
Untill last night I was basking in the joy of being stranded in a big house out in the suburbs of no specific country at all, with my sisters, and we were having so much fun...but thenthe reletives came over to say 'Hi Elest!', and the penny dropped. I am in Turkey.
How do I know I am in Turkey? Let me count the ways:

1. Great aunt gave me an earfull about washing the dishes and putting them face down on the counters where 'the cats get up on, don't u know?' I told her they don't get up on the counters, Dibish has too much dignity to stoop so low, and she said oh yes they do, they do it in the night when everyones sleeping. Dibish of course, who was within earshot of our little arguement, was terribly vexed at the prospect of beeing accused of such a heanous crime.
2. After dinner Grandma told me if I don't stop wearing Hijab I will never get a job. To which I replied curtly; who says I wanna work for stupid Turks any way, me gonna go Japy land, at which point I was subjected to a list of reasons why I should not go Japan, reason number one being the earthquakes.
3. Our stupid neighbours have put up Christams trees on their front porches.
4. ...sodd this, it's bringing me down...I wanna talk of the good things that have happened...

...why? because I am vaguely happy, being here with my sisters. Oh and I met the new addition to our family, the squeeky Siamese whose name is supposed to be Mocha but she don't know it yet...so I have been trying to educate her :) ...and what else happened thats nice..ummm...I've been eating well...aaand haven't been doing any work- which isn't nice actually...errr, oh yeah, I've been subjected to Turkish music, and there is this one song which rocks. it's called Yikiliyo, by Ayca, so download it, and if you can't I'll try to email it to who ever is interrested, AND U WILL BE INTERRESTED COZ IT ROCKS, AND I'M VERY PARTICULAR WHEN IT COPMES TO APPRECIATING TURKISH MUSIC SO TRUST ME!

OK I must go now coz Saimecan wants to use the net. I will blogg again later. Sayonara.

If I don't quit going to Forbidden Plannet so often, not only will I run out of funds, but the people who work there will start turning into family. I think the till guy with the red highlights is concerned about me.

I'm sitting here trying to collect my thoughts, though I shouldn't be, I should be in a lecture...and then a seminar. Instead, I surf the net for some info on James Bond Goldfinger...you know apparently there is this urban legend about the film, claiming that the actress who played Jill Masterton died after beig painted in gold to shoot that death scene, coz back then people actually believed that if your skin couldn't breathe you'd die. HA HA HA HA! ...and with that random bit of info asside, why doesn't Elest tell us why she is sitting here reading fan trivia on a stupid Bond film, when she should be in her Lectures/seminars?
Like I said, I'm trying to collect my thoughts...I need to decide what to do, after having woken up this morning and realised to my utter dissapointment that I'm not dead, the world hasn't ended, and I haven't mercifully lost my sanity. What I have lost ofcourse, and what I have to deal with, is a lot more precious. So precious the thought of a room with soft walls is increadibly comforting.
It's scary how animal, how beast, how utterly inhuman the wail of devastation sounds. It's scary when u realise there is no saftey net, no help, no invisible spider web string attached to save you from falling. and it's even more horendous when, bleary eyed, you have to get up again and face the world with all the great new discoveries you've made of yourself.
I've lost two battles in one night. And I still am.

I don't want to be alone any more.

Time: 20:00.
Location: Uncle's house.
Sounds: A lot of Cypriots talking loudly about...hang on...(listens)...their disputing the ownership of an object unknown to me because I am in another room...yes, Cypriots naturally speak very loud, even when they are not arguing or drunk.
Feeling: Vague discomfort after a very unnerving meal.
Why? Can someone tell me why (??) is it that my non-Muslim friends who don't know jack about Islam, readily respect the fact that I do not consume some things, and yet my extended family have to start some hoo-haa over the fact that I won't eat the meat I am served because, not only did I already have some qualms about its halal-ness but finding out that it was cooked marrinating in red wine, simply tipped the domino. Which I might add, I find out after it's put in my plate, because although I was made to believe it was bought from Turks (hence qualifying as halal, duh!), after having inquired, apparently it didn't occur to them at all that the red wine would bother me.
So I've hid myself away in my uncles office, to flee, if only momentarily, fromg having to endure the discomfort of aloofly sitting with them, and representing, with every aspect of my out-of-place presence, everything they have rejected with every aspect of their living.
Yeah, I think I would have perferred spending Eid alone in my flat, as tragic as that senario would have been, I tink it beats this.
So what am I preoccupying myself with? That new Chinese film- 'House of Flying Daggers' (yeah I KNOW it's got a stupid name OKAY! Sheesh, It's Chinese for God's sake, give it a break) thats coming out this Christmas...OH MY GOD I JUST WATCHED THE TRAILER AND IT LOOKS SO GOOD! And why, I hear u ask am I especially excited about this Chinky film, Post-CrouchingTigerDissapointment, and even when I didn't give a crap when Hero came out?...One word (nah actually, make that two): Takeshi Kaneshiro! (wild cheering) Yes, my Saimecanii, I can see u grinning with glee and squeeling with excitment even from London, and the rest of the world heard u.
And now I shall change the subject...I can hear my cousin asking his sis where I am...must keep quiet...man that kid's voice is breaking big time, soon I gotta start covering my hair in front of him..HAA! IMAGINE THE HOO-HAA THEN! HA HA HA HAA HAAaaa... how pathetic. huh? whats that I hear...kids are watching Chicago..hang on, I've never actually seen that film, but how suitable is it for children? ah, screw that, last time I had to endure watching Friends with them, and Rachel was giving birth and everything, of course, knowing my luck Koray (male cousin, breaking voice) asks me:'Sevim Abla, what does dilate mean?' FOR GOD'S SAKE, EVEN I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT BLOODY MEANT UNTILL I WAS SUBJECTED TO THAT BLASTED EPISODE, AND I HAVE THIS KID ASK ME!
Ok, I'm going now...feeling queasy...me no likey all this birth talk (goes paler, if thats possible).
Me gonna see that trailer again now :)
Bye Bye.

Good afternoon.
I am excited. Why? coz There is this realy cool anime coming out soon, just watched the trailer! but the crap thing is, it's only just hitting cinemas in Japan...which means it'll be a while coming to dis dumb beee-hind conuntry. See what I occupy myself with when George Bush is getting elected in the U.S again and the world is going to the dogs.
Shakila has gone to Thailand, which gives me a bigger reason to hate her.... I am writing in Yellow today, coz I likes it...
...And what else is new? Nothing really.
Oh, heres somthing rather interresting, Saturday night I was with grandparents in front of the TV watching...(drum roll please) A Turkish Soap! and guess what happened. I observed, to my utter amazement, that one of the guys in it, was cute. and I mean really cute. like, cute like Turks aren't supposed to be that cute, cute. And it has been botherring me ever since. Why was this guy cute? Was he cute coz my high and mighty pickiness in men is slowly dwindling and diminishing. Can't be. So what? WHYYYYY? WHYYYY WAS HE CUTE DAMNIT!? WHYYY!?
Any way, the name of the soap- and I'm only drawing attention to this coz I like translating Turkish things into English when I know they is gonna sound stupid- was 'Kinali Kar' which means...(drum roll again pleez) 'Snow with Henna on it!' -Tehe he he he heee! oh I crack myself up..(whipes tear from eye) Any way, where were we? Yes thats right, another observation about Turkey, and this one is curtesy of Jarrad, who was down there a week ago:
A while back, a Turkish food company by the name of Ulker, decided to launch a new soft drink by the name of Cola Turka. And when u do something as crazy as that, in a country which is so fascistly nationalistic it aint even funny any more, u know the great mass market giant, is gonna go down. Ladies and Gentleman, Cola Turka beat Cocacola in the Turkish mass market. Thankyou.

How many more seminars can I tollerate with Abu talking about homo-erotisim and the male organ? hmmm, lets make a bet and see. I bet anyone who's up for it a white-grapefruit that the next time Abu says the 'P' word, the scenario in Gordon's seminar will look like this:

Elest sits up in the seat she was languidly reclining in, only moments ago, locates the nearest copy of THE COMPLETE NORTON SHAKESPEARE, and to the horror of Mr. German-cum-South African-LookHowISitWithMyLegsSo-WIDE-Apart, and the utter glee of every girl in the class, hurrls the gigantic volume across the room at the offending party in question. Consequently ruffling Mr. Germans ordinarily very preened gay feathers, who gayly prances across the room, picks up his Shakespeare with exagerated irritation and prances back to seat next to a scrutinising Carla. At which point Misba suppresses an amused smile to herself, and writes notes to her friend who doesn't want to be convinced that Mr. German- though we do not know WHAT he is- is most definately NOT STRAIGHT. Sarah giggles and stares at the lip-piercing across the room, the owner of which looks like a frightened bunny in car headlights. Gordon makes a joke and laughs at it himself. The seminar resumes as though no one was lying unconcious upon the floor.

Well hello hello hello...tee he he he. I'm high right now, only coz an hour ago i was at the complete other end of the psicho scale: very very low. And really, now that i think of it i have nothing to write, so i wont write much coz da stupid brit.lit and film lecture is starting in...he he, half an hour. ok dats no excuse, my excuse is Sarah who is sitting next to me getting bored coz unlike me she have a life and is not terribly thrilled by bloggs and what not. speaking of whom, I have infected Sarah with the Haido craze. MUWA HA HA HA HA! yes, she like him too now :) which don't mean nothing really, coz she like weirdos too, so we're back to square one.
Any way, so sorry I didn't updat last Friday as I should have. I'm doing so now, which also means new CLICK ME pic! yes this weeks CLICK ME pic is entitled 'what is Haido thinking' so please feel free to voice ur suggestions. Which also brings us to last weeks CLICK ME pic- me thinks the safest bet is to say that: Haido has paused in mid cartwheel, having been obstructed by the cupboard and is now trying to see how much ballet his trousers can take without splitting. AND THEY ARE NOT PVC, THEI'RE LEATHER!
Which reminds me. Last saturday Elest found out to her utter horror that a certain someone *cough* Joshua *cough* *cough* is seriously not worth having a stupid quarter-life-crisis-crush on.
Man. dis morning on the bus I saw this buddhist guy walking down the street in his robes like nothing and no one matterred to him, and i thought in my mind; God, you know better than me what it is I'm yearning for, and I'm so lost in not knowing anything. Guide me somewhere, please.

Right with the suicidal stuff asside -and I know I wrote that wrong, so BITE ME! - would like to draw attention to the fact that I have a new pic in my CLICK ME section entitled 'WHAT IS HAIDO DOING?' yes...you heard that right 'WHAT IS HAIDO DOING?'...need I repeat it again to be an annoying game show host person? 'WHAT IS HAIDO DOING?' he he he...ehem, well the purpose of this new pick -and yeeeeees, there is a purpose- is that it shall be the first in my launch of a new THANG on my blog! I is calling it a THANG coz i is not knowing what else to call it...well actually, perhaps we can call it 'A BIZZARE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION FOR THE COMMUNAL RANT BOARD' coz the communal rant board has been pitiful lately and we need some bizzare-ness...and how does it work? Why I thought u'd never ask, I'll tell u: Every week I post a new pic of Haido doing something unintelligible and everyone makes a suggestion as to what it could possibly be, in the communal rant board...then we all have a big arguement over what could be the closest guess ...and perhaps these beneficial discussions will eventually enable us to grasp the meaning and wisdom in the ways of the Haido, and we, my good friends, may one day see the light!
Ok there is this annoying middle-aged looking asian guy using the printer across me and he's stickin his thumb in his jeans pocket, and hes running his fingers through his hair and trying to catch my eye, but I am ignoring him and he is PISSING ME OFF so I will go now.
Sayonara.

• Maroon 5- she will beloved is playing ceaslessly in my head...and I haven't listened to it. havent listened to music since Ramadan started...of course, except those u can't help hearing like in shops and stuff.
• Eyes are sore, a general feeling of ickyness in the pitt of my stomach, and serious fatigue; I think all of this has to do with the fact that I slept on a sofa for an hour and a half, after 6 in the morning and woke up at 8 to make it to 10:00 seminar.
• So no, my appearance is not very pretty today: no makeup, yesterdays clothes, black circles under eyes...don't think i want to run into anyone cute in uni...actually, scrap that, i don't give a crap, if i did i wouldn't have come in like this in the first place. Screw cute guys.
• Spiritual state is pitiful, so much so that Tas resents and condems some of the stuff I am doing in Ramadan, which don't help, but I thank you tas for your honesty. I hate myself.
• and picking up on that vital point...I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF
• If u think thats scary, then u will be further thrilled to know that non of the above was coppied and pasted, i wrote them out individually...and i can go on, but i won't
• in fact, i should probably stop writing bloggs one of these days, coz the reality of it being read by other people just doesn't register sometimes, and at this rate I'm gonna end up scaring all my friends off with the amount of crap i'm spewing out from the depths of me.
• And i think...I think I need to start making myself believe that there is good in this world still...that there is good in people.
• But post-Richard the III leacture/seminar ponderring, in regards to villains, has conjured up this question: Is it not the villains resignation to being bad which drives him so far in commiting heinous crimes? And isn't it the surety of being iredemably bad which makes him resigned to being so? Isn't it the fact that he can find no good in himself which prevents him from believing that there might be good those that he hurts or commits injustices against so easily, because they have no value, no importance as far as he is concerned? ...Because as far as he's concerned all men are just foul?
• And so the question is: how do you begin to have faith in people when you have no faith in yourself?

If you are increadibly observant like me (Hah!) you probably would have noticed 3 things today. Firstly, that I've added my beautiful Faaria to my contacts list. Secondly, that it is cold and riany outside. and Thirdly, that my click click section now bears the link to Ororon's pic under a new title. Yes, Ororon is dead. He died at the end of the final volume of the Manga. First they pushed him to his limits although he was already weak and wounded, then a big stupid giant boy working for his brother Oscar crushed him. then when he was still standing they tore out his gutts. And still, in his last minute he used his final ounce of strength to conjur up a dragon from the depths of hell, and do away with his enemy..."Oscar we have made too many mistakes now!"
:( never under estimate the power a comic book can have on someone who is increadibly bored.

Ehem...So whats new? Nothing. Nothing's new. I've got some smoked salmon at home, and the thought of it makes me happy :) other than that errr...well Presently I am reading 'The Dragon Can't Dance' by Earl Lovelace and it is a seriously good book. So for those interrested in postcolonial black culture in the slums of trinidad, (and as boring as I've made that sound, you'd be surprised) I urge u to get your hands on a copy of this book. Beautifully written and so vivid, and vibrant and colourfull and culturally sturated, you can almost taste it. Yeah you know I'm hungry, and you knw I been reading this book for hours on end all night and all morning yesterday and today, so that I is not sound upstairs.
With that asside, and on the subject of tasting and hunger (not that I'm hungry really, just badly craving a Ben and Jerry's Milk Shake), so far Ramadan is...well lonely. its especially lonely when i wake up for Sahoor and there aint no one to laugh with at stupid not-funny-things. and no one to squeal with over the bathroom sink, pushing eachother to spit toothpaste foam into the basin. then no one to have water fights with, when somebody getts splattered with toothpaste, or gets wet and gets hungry (damn that word keeps rearing its ugly head) for vengence.
No. Sahoor is quite, and lonely.
And these past few days I've realised how much talking I no longer do.
I miss you guys. I miss you so much. for days after you left I kept feeling like the only 3 people in the world who accept me whole heartedly, in spite of all my flaws and short comings, in spite of the big mess that I am, who accepted me for who and what I am; a girl-boy-woman hybrid clinging to the pitiful excuse of a human being- those people have gone.
I've lost them, and I feel so lost now. For the first time i realise how big the world is and how small I am and how small and insignificant every single person is, and how alone we are, all of us, and I wonder about hope and dreams and expectation. who are we, in our endless wanting? What use is any of it?
Yet the strangest thing is, this sad kind of loneliness is starting to become comfortable, and I don't know if I want to be found.

What words do you choose first, when everything wants to come out at once?
What words do you say when there is so much and not much at all to be said?
I had wished that I could have said something. Anything. I'd wished I could have given you something from me. But, in a world which has desecrated passion with its obsession with sex. In a world which has killed love, with its mass-produced love-songs. Which has killed beauty with its vicious aestheticism and happiness with its hedonist greed. In a world which has destroyed all traces of human compassion within its humans. Which has given me suspicion, cynicism and scepticism, and with these sceptres of its tyranny, taught me to live in the name of its logical ideologies and civilised ethics. Its reasons and duties based on laws. Laws...and fear, they coerce me with, like an animal. So that I have no faith in the power of my own human will, and in the guidance of a faith which calls to my nature.
In a world, which has commercialised sentiment and feeling, which has left no word untainted in its travesty of a vocabulary, what words could I have used to express myself? How could I have said anything at all, without fearing I would sound hollow and untruthful.
Right now, I am afraid. I am alone. And I am gripped by the enormity of knowing I know absolutely nothing.
Sitting with you, during those last hours, holding your hand and watching as you walked away, I felt something which does not belong to me. In spite of all the certainty the reason and the logical convictions which feed a stone composure in the depths of me, I was possessed for those moments and it made me weak.
Now I am filled only with the knowledge of all my inadequacies and shortcomings. Now I am empty and at a loss for what to feel, think or do. To me -the me I have learned to hate yet endure with the wave of disillusionment which has long since hit these shores- you are nothing. But this power, this spark which maintains my existence, ached when you left. It ached to be torn away from its likeness within you...and I was frightened by the presence of something there, which I didn’t know existed. It is gone again now, to some place where I have no access to it at will, to the one whom it belongs to. But I am glad I said nothing. That I gave you nothing hollow, no commercialised expression of sentiment, from the fake, empty self I've become, to better integrate into this cold world. I am glad I was silent and stupid, and that you were silent, and that we didn't presume to define what was not, and can never be, ours.

FIRST WEEK OF UNI and...
the 'it's good to be back' feeling is slowly starting to wear off to be replaced by a 'crap, this is my 3rd year...calm down...calm down...breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out' feeling.

Elizabethan Shakespear: is comfortingly familiar and GORDON ROCKS!
Narrating the Nation: seems like something i will appreciate, though I can't say I've taken to the lecturer much...hmmm.
Brit. Lit. and Film: Sucks. the whole bloody 1 hour seminar went straight over my head, and the only detail which seems to have stayed with me is some stupid statement some girl (who is dangerously verging on the border between skinny and anorexic) made about the difference between British film and English film being Hugh Grant...what??? And as if that aint bad enough, it looks like all my lecture and seminar notes for this course are gonna be a jibberish jumble of inconclusive half-sentences, because Clare Brant keeps trailing into herself when she's talking. So basically something she's saying would look a bit like this... Followed by a smile, to herself. No, no full stop.

Other than that, so far its same ol same ol:
~Odd silences with people I am ACQUAINTED not FRIENDS with;
~Enthusiastic Harry is being annoying again;
~Man I don't know anyone in this seminar;
~Maybe if I keep my mouth shut and look bored they won't know I don't know jack;
~Enthusiastic Harry is looking increadibly smug about having made his stupid comment;
~Ah, everyone's laughing, maybe that was a joke. quick must put on vaguely amused smile;
~Everyone except me is organised and is reading all the texts;
~Will someone shut enthusiastic Harry up please;
~DAMN FIRE DRILL!;
~Doodle. Doodle. Doo...ooh look, Masba's drawn a funny picture on her pad;
~Crap Joshua!
~God, it was a mercy to have had forgotten how disgusting the guys on the other side of the screen in the prayer room sound....augh; ...and so forth :)

I might add that there has been an increse in 'crap Joshua' s lately coz The guy is absolutely everywhere in my face. Not only is he in 2 of my lectures already, but as if that aint enough I came out of stupid Brit. Lit. and film today, with a big scowl on my face, truding to the prayer room in the height of my misery, and who do I come face to face with on turning the corner in the second basement? Yes. Him. And I thought I was gonna jump out of my new rocks. Now you tell me how the hell I'm supposed to get over my stupid crush? HA? HA?!

Ehem. I Walked all the way to and back from Senet house lib. today, which I'm rather proud of, and I have Misba to thank for that. hmmm, speaking of which, where is Misba I wonder?
Ah! I got a tx from her. She says she's is in the Room of prayer :)

Hello, and welcome back to another episode of, Waste Your Time, I'm your host, El-e-freRA(H) like the Rah in RahXephon or the Ra as in the ancient Egyptian God, who was murdured in his old age by his power crazed grandaughter, Isis the Goddess of Magic, and fashioner of those nasty litle slithery things we call snakes today. What is the relevance of all this Mythology crap? There is non whatsoever-rer-rer. Am I high? Indeed I am, I'm high on Lychee drink.
In anycase, getting back to our programe, today I would like to declare that there is nothing more shit and pointless than TV. and thats all I have to say. any requests for further elaboration, my be forwarded on to me at my email address.
My second decleration of the day is thus:
Revenge of the fallen angel was promised to be taken out on man. His battle-grounds, moved to the souls of man kind.
Revenge of the fallen angel, however, is not as glamorous as they've been making out since the beggining of the world.
Satan is not as hopelessly romantic as us, it seems...instead, I think he's just increadibly efficient.
No outright revolts against hevean, Milton style. oh no. In fact, I imagine Satan had a good laugh when he read that piece of idealistic 'WHAT-DA HELL?', clinging to the pitiful excuse of an epic poem. and will someone tell me what the point of 'Paradise regained' was? didn't Milton know that sequals have been out of fashion since Haloween?
any way, gettng back to Satan... yes, Satan, who, mind you, is boring as hell, has been quite the man of leasure for some few hundred years. I say this, because I've made an observation about how he works. Like I said, he's terribly efficient, and the best was to destroy human potential, without breaking out in a sweat is simply, to put the human race to sleep.
Yep. The world is infested with Zombies. We are all sleeping so deeply, we might as well be dead. We are living like ants, in a little ant city, under ground. crawling through its tunnels day and night. burrowing deeper and deeper...living by the rules and laws of this brittle structure, because we are all afraid that if we don't, it'll all crumble and colapse over our heads.
And I ask you now? Would that be such a bad thing? Maybe when everything is sweapt away, we'll realise, with no dirt city over our heads; damn the world above ground is huge.
And as for my point...there must be a point after all of this right? well...err..I don't know if I can make it without sounding like an evangelist.. :( but u know what, screw that, Tim Winter says: 'what came first, Insufferable preaching, or its subject matter?'
And so, I say: Wake up neo!
I'm launching a 'beat the system' movement. It's called 'Operation-open-your-eyes.'
...who's with me?

Found a £10 note in Capitain Corellis Mandolin- except, its got Charles Dickens on it...musta put it there a loooong time ago.

Tasks of the day:

The former office idiot, soon to be 3rd year KCL student who shall point and snigger at all the freshies at uni, in aproximately 2 weeks time when term starts (whoopee!), has today:
1) begged her local area housing officer to not kick her out of her new flat for not paying a single instalment of rent since she moved in;
2) sent the tax office an "F you, aint paying your damn taxes!" reply in the form of a letter which states that I am in full time education;
3) and gone down to Japan center to put and add for private English tuition for dem little Nihonjins who are willing to pay an unqualified teacher-cum-student to teach them bad words, and increadibly intellegent insults (Wilde style) in English :)
And while I was doing that, guess what I stubled upon at HMV Picadilly Cricus..THE LAST VOLUME OF FRUITS BASKET! I didn't even know it would have reached shops!

A glorious day for the sad and peniless anime fan.

Day: The day before a blasted hena party I so don't want to go to, but I so should, coz it would be so rude if i didn't. (Yes. I dislike weddings and hena partys, and hen nights, and other such silly little excuses, stupid mortals invent in order to get together an rejoice over practically nothing at all...Bible style.)
Time: 13:43 (no snide remarks this time.)
Location: Uni. Strand building. Lower Basement 1.

In a while I have to go talk to DOT '.' -humanities department secretary- about dropping stupid Australian lit. which I didn't even ask for, but which some stupid course assigning dude put on my 3rd year course list, coz he thought it would be increadibly funny.

And then I have to trek across wterloo bridge, to the waterloo campus where I must collect a letter which I am to use as proof showing that I'm a student in full time education, and therefore, not liable to pay tax. It is times like this that I hate this country. You know, just coz its the 21st century don't mean we no longer have any use for a Robbin Hood. And it was precisely this thought, while I sat in the 91 bus this morning, funming at the tax bill sent to me, which lead me to start fantasizing about a 21st century Robbin Hood. So I've decided to develope a prototype.

right, and dat concludes it...
I am on pott.

DAY: Wednesday- the second day my dad decided to ditch me for some busness he had to attend to after flying half way across the world from Dubai with the intention to spend 'quality time with his kids' among other things.
TIME: 19:01 - and it was so difficult for me to type that coz the damn 9 key on this key board is broken...which means no brakets either!
LOCATION: Internet Cafe

So what did I do after dad ditched me? Pshaw! I went to Camden Town ofcourse, and spent money which doesn't belong to me! Right now I have Saimecan here with me and she is looking increadibly bored, so I will let her write something.
SAIMECAN:jdkvhsjrhfigujskgjs
ELEST: Saimecan! behave urself!
SAIMECAN: no sis, that indeed was the FBI code to hack into their nuclear bomb plant network main frame.
And then she fell off the roof...just as she was eating her icecream.
good bye.
ELEST: ...right..ok. so any way, as I was saying. I spent money :)
SAIMECAN: yes, and i was there tooo...LOTSSS OF MONEYYY!!!
ELEST: oi don't make me feel worse than I already do, it wasn't that lots.
What am I doing now? I am waiting for my time to run out and also for Asma to show up with some questionaire she filled out for me on behalf of her dad. Who is her dad, and what buisness do I have with him? NON OF YOUR FIRGGIN BUISNESS! A POX O' YOUR INQUISITIVENESS!
SAIMECAN: AN ICECREAM MAKER....LOTS OF ICEEECREAM!!! :P
ELEST: shut up kid! ok got a call from Asma. gotta dash now.

Tallyhoo!

Day: 2nd of Rajab
Time: 18:04 (an insignificantly small amount of minutes passing 6 in English, which allows me to round the time off to 6:00- 2 hours 25 minutes before iftar...yes, I'm fasting.)
Location: Uni (not officially back yet, but even being in the building feels good)

Just sent an email to Dr Tim Winter. a.k.a the Cambridge professor of Islamic and Middle Eastern Studies-convert Muslim-increadibly cool guy who looks like Ralph Fines! (And if that doesn't overwhelm you, you gotta say it all in one breath...see.)

I've tried to start this blog off on a good note, but it hasn't seemed to work...Feeling a bit depressed...don't know why.
And what else is new, right? Thats what you were gonna say right? Yeah I know what you were thinking, don't deny it.
I'll tell you what you wasn't thinking though. You wasn't thinking I'd say I was resigned to being this way just as I am resigned to being an Ice-Berg. Yeah, I'm embracing my misery too now. And if you think that's sad, I'll tell you whats more sad. Whats more sad is not knowing who you are any more. Whats more sad is not being able to trust anything you feel or think. Whats more sad is growing up and still having a crush on Peter Pan. Thats more sad. And you can add the fact that I'm 21, to turn it into a true tragey, Nobokov style. "Look at this tangle of thorns." ...Do you know what puts a fancy spin on hating the world though?
Hating yourself.


You're right Chiaki...
My whole life has been a mistake.

My hands are covered in blood.

...So much blood.

All the tears in the universe couldn't wash my hands clean now.

(Akuma no Ororon)

Yes, last night I dreamt of Dustin Hoffman. Why? It is a mystery. Yet the greater mystery is that I actually dreamt that it was Dustin Hoffman, while it was in fact the guy who played Lex Luther in the very first Superman...you remember him? Yeah, well I can't remember his name for the life of me, so you better, and if you don't it doesn't matter really coz who cares right? I mean, of all the people in the world, Dustin Hoffman..??

You can trust a psycopath to make a fancy come-back...thats right, I haven't written here for ages, but now I'm here. Why was I not here before? Well lets see:

Week 1: Painted new place WHITE.
Week 2: Fitted carpets and linoleum flooring.
Week 3: Packed up life, and moved in.

Any way, I'd initially intended for the place to look like a mini monastary, but it has obstinately refused to do so...and now its just kinda minimalistic-ish...I will try to keep it that way, which, at this point, looks like it may prove to be quite a battle, since my family is packing up their lives, and anything my mom decides not to take to Turkey with her, she tries to give to me.

Mom: Elest I want to give you this fruit bowl.
Elest: NO!
Mom: Why? Where will you put your fruits?
Elest: I don't want fruits. I don't want a fruit bowl. I wan't my house empty, like a monastary.
Mom: Ok, I'll give you the spot-lights then.
Elest: NO! NO SPOT-LIGHTS!
Mom: The Shelves?
Elest: NOOOOOOOO SHELVES! I DON'T WANT ANYTHING! I WANT EMPTINESS! EMPTINEEEEEEEEEESSS!
(and Elest loses her mind)
In spite of my refusals I think she may secretly be smuggling unwanted material to my abode, because I sense a clatter...yes, I sense it in the Kitchen. SHe must have hidden something in the cupboards. I will sniff them ouot and do away with them, nothing can escape me! MUWA HA HA HA! (leers like a maniac, shifty eyes gleeming.)

Any way, with all that aside, my current status is thus...
Man of moment: Ororon.
Last Film watched: Big Fish...dodgey film.
Last Manga read: Ororon volume 3.
Creativity: Minimal, read a few pages of Da Novel last night, and highleted the paragraphs I though needed further scrutiny.
Recent Purchases: Books from Waterstones! Oh how exciting!!
Ooh, New Books?: Yep- 'The Maters and Margarita', 'Everything is Illuminated', 'Rebecca' (for English Lit. and Film course), and 'Lolita' (No I'm not a perv, that one's for my Post War American Lit. course.)
Current reading: The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov.
Recent orders from Amazon: Fruits Basket Volume 3! Oh even more exciting! ..and a new Manga called Immortal Rain, lets see if its any good.
Financial status: Not promissing, but could be worse, so Alhamduallah.
Current feelings: I'm hungry...and I have an interresting pain in my lower tummy..hmm.

and now I must go back to helping my mom pack her life.
Tallyhoooo.

Day: of revalation
Time: is irrelivent
Location: the place I make money

A bitter truth has revealed itsself to me: If you process an Ice-berg you can only get slush-puppy. And I don't like slush-puppy. It's a stupid, unhealthy concuction of frozen mush, clinging to the pitiful excuse of a refreshment. And surprise surprise, it is yet another American invention. Which other nation can get so enthusiastic over turning your tongue blue?

I've decided then, that as of today I shall resign myself to a life of floating in an arctic ocean of loneliness, and human indifference. yes. I will be indifferent. And when the frozen winds threatent to blow me out, I will dare them to do their best.
No more trying to be forward. No more forced, sunny smiles, which, instead of warming the soul, blind with their winter brightness.
If my dark attire and grimm countenance, crudely suggests, that having been subjected to a childhood of hardship and loveless-ness, I have chosen to shut the world out and mourn the sterile rigidness of the reality that has been dealt me...then it is only suggesting the truth.

In retrospect then, as of today, my new hero is, Ororon. Yes the tall, thin, freakishly long limbed guy in black, from, you guessed it, a Manga. Unless ofcourse, someone can point out another, who is cold, and heartless and sorrowfully indifferent to the fact that, life has assigned him a role which represents all that is wicked and putrid and cruel...and who can pull all of this off, looking as cool, then I may reconsider. Anyone? No, I thought not. 

Well, no more asking people if they think I am cold.
I know I am cold.
It is the only way I know how to be. And I shall be thus, untill by some miracle, I melt.

"...And try to understand this...the reason why we are alive...is simply because it can't be helped.    I don't want to do this any more...I don't want to live." -Akuma na Ororon

 

Day: Tuesday.
Time: 15 minutes before home time.
Location: Office.
 
I've just noticed that the Men's Toilets in this office has a 'Ladies' sign on it. Urelius suggested that it might be due to finances. Curious.
Anyway, I don't know what to do now, coz its waaay after 5:00 and all the people I'm supposed to be calling have already gone home, coz un-like me and Shakila and everyone elese who is still in this office, they have lives.
Why, am I calling people? Thats a stupid question- To Harrass them into attending an event on Monday ofcourse!
Yeeeeees..as far as the harrassing is concerned, this can be rather enjoyable at times...and at times it can be down right annoying, because I have to act all polite to the person down the line, even if they're being an utter ponce!
Any way. After having a conversation with my mom yesterday, about ME ofcourse, we concluded that I had to develope my people skills, because I come across as extremely cold and distant. This, as you might guess is nothing I can help. However, I've been chewing the idea over like a digesting cow, since then, and it has realy begun to irk me. So today I have asked 2 people if they thought I was cold.
 
Person number 1 Husna Aunty Said: 'Yes you are.'
Person number 2 Rumana Said: 'no you aint.'...  hmmm, what does that tell me? that tells me I gotta ask a third person.
...right, asked Shakila.
Person number 3 Shakila Said: 'I don't know, are you feeling cold?' So I rephrased my question and then she said. 'No, I'm cold. People say I'm aloof' ...man talk about trying to steal my lime-light. THIS IS ABOUT ME! GRRRRR...oh alright, sorry. You can have some of my lime-light. Here. :( And just for the record, Lucifer is not a girl! ..err, I mean, Haido, is not a girl.

Hello, and welcome to another evening of Nocturnal Rants. I am your host, Elest, and our first guest tonight is Shinji, from the anime which blue the world away, Neon Genesis Evangelion.
El: Hello Shinji, how are you?
Shinji: (staring at his hands) I am so F#!*ed up!
El: Errr..oh. ok. So about your role as the First Child, can you tell us how it feels to kick Angel butt, only to have the crap beaten out of u a dozen times over by everyone and anyone on the show? It must get pretty tiring.
Shinji: (is now hugging his knees to himself, and rocking back and forth) I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away...
El: (tries not to be put off by him.) I myself have always wonderred what pleasure the director took in having a kid, pushed to his limits, both physically and mentally...but then that leads me to wonder, what kinda people actually enjoy watching this crap. I mean, a hand full of 14 year olds ruthlessly hospitalised, painstakingly healed, and strapped up in clingy body armour, only to be ruthlessly hosptalised again? I only watched the 'End of Evangellion' and 'Death and Rebirth' episodes, and I was clinically insane for 3 days.
Shinji: I don't wanna die. I do't wana die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die...
El: (is feeling helpless. She scratches her head.) ...Ok. seeing as any trace of a conversation we'd begun has just died a pathetic death, I might as well fill in the silence and speak of my own accord, right? (looks at Shinji who is terribly traumatised) Oh guess what, My SIS IS COMING HOME IN 6 DAYS! WOOHOOOO! (El's enthusiastic cheers has driven Shinji to the brink of his trauma.)
Shinji: I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
El: (ignores Shinji) So yeah, other than that, errr, I'm sure somin worth blogging about happened today, but I find I have forgotten what it was, and any attempt at trying to recall it, is in vain...the blasted thing eludes me.. (looks at Shinji, who is no longer yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Shinji: Help me Aska. Please help me. Aska, help. Help me Aska. Please. Aska?
El: Ok is it possible to get this disfunctional little runt outa here? (two big men in black appear, grap Shinji, who is as limp as a noodle, and walk away with him.) Thank you.
Hey I just realised, they made this blog thing pretty snazzy. You can make your writing colourfull...Yes, we have red, and blue and pink and green and my personal favourate burt orange ...which actually looks friggin brown. oh how shamefull, this is a travesty of burnt orange. I suppose we just gotta settle for this. or this.
But I think I like yello :) Yessssss, I am but a Vangooo at heart :) Which reminds me, Our next guest on the show, is Joseph Stalin. What does Joseph Stalin have to do with Vangooo? You're real dumb you know that? (brushes off her iritation.)
El: Hello.
Stalin: Hmmmm
El: Ok, I'll call up a 3rd guest, coz I have a vague feeling this guy is as interresting a life support machiene. Lets see....someone loud. Aha! The Hoola Hoop Man.
Hoola Hoop Man: OI YOU STALIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
El: Shhhh! Don't shout like that.
Hoola Hoop Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'OOL 'OOPS A' ROUND, AND THEY'LL STAY ROUND FO' EVAAA!
El: (makes the Hool Hoop Man dissapear, before Stalin gets too p..ed off) Ok, that was a bad idea. Lets invite, umm...Hyde! YESSS! ehem, Konbanawa Haido san.
Hyde: Konbanwa.
El: (is grinning like an idiot) Genki desuka? -translation: how are you?
Hyde: Anoooooo. -translation: ummmmm. (scratches his head, and thinks deeply.)
El: (grin dissapears, and she cocks an eyebrow...but is interrupted in mid eyebrow cock and turns to Stalin who is tapping her on the shoulder.) Yes? Whats that? You want to go to the bathroom?
Stalin: Da
El: But you went twice already. What? Your moustach?
Stalin: Da
El: But its fine, why do you need to comb it every few minutes?
Hitler: (appears out of no where.) bicoz it is crrrude. end 'her Stalin, he has en inferiority complex.
Stalin: Da.
El: Oi where did you come from? bugg off!
Hitler: Shut up..or I vill vak you across ze feas!
El: Ha?
Hyde: Anoooo -translation: ummmm (is still scratching his head.)
El: Oh, you shut up and look pretty, idiot, some help you are at keeping up a stimulating conversation.
Hyde: ...
El: Ok, I'm putting my foot down. things are getting out of control here. Hitler, you be gone. (Hitler, miraculously dissapears, just as he'd opene his mouth to say something.) Stalin, here's a comb, here's a mirror, you do your grooming where your told to.
Stalin: (takes the comb and mirror) Da.
El: stupid Ruski.
Stalin: Da.
El: (notices that Hyde, is on his knees and trying to stick his hand under the green sofa.) And what the hell are you doing?
Hyde: (looks at El stupidly) Nani mo. -translation: nothing
El: Then sit'own!
Hyde: ... (has sat down and is fiddling his thumbs.)
El: Right. well I guess the moral of tonights show is that all dictators have moustaches, and good looking men don't necessarily have brains.
Stalin: Da.
El: Next time Ima choose my guests more wisely. What? What do you mean, how about Musolini? He had one in secret idiot, everyone knows that!
...Man I wonder. does anyone ever actually bother reading some of the crap I write here??

Day: I don't know. It's sumin between today and tomorrow.
Time: 1:38 (and thats not in English...its 1:38 in the morning)
Location: now where could I possibly be at an un-godly hour such as this?
Why no sleepy??: Non of ur bloody buisness!

....say, lets pull a Shakila? dis gonna be interresting!

Mood: Unsure...not of my mood...just unsure.
Why?: Unsure.
Status: In pain
Why?: Bad earphones..buzz buzz..hurtsing ears:(
Music: Jiyuu e no shoooutaiiii wo..da daaa...iiiiitsuuu moooo, ume kuri kana..yada yada...something unintelegibly Japanese, I'm sure I'd understand it better if it weren't for the Osaka accent.
Why?: Why Osaka accent? or why am I listening to J-rock? Be more specific..idiot.
Appearance: scruffy. in mismatched Pj's. Pj bottoms have been dyed an ugly lung colour pink...(shudders)
Why?: Coz I put them in the wash with my Orange skirt, which is now ruined beyond wearability.
Why?: coz someone put the evil eye on it.
Why?: coz it was lovely and I'm surrounded by insolent people who don't know how to say 'mashallah'.
Why?: Ok, you've rinsed it now, change the question.
Man of the moment: Hyde.
Why?: coz he lookin especially hot in this videao clip...even if he does keep goin outa tune and launching into a high pitched squeel every so often.
Deep thoughts: ..I should not have had those profitrolls.
Why?: A pox o' your inquisitiveness. piss off!

Post Envelope packing and stamping.

The reason why I like brain dead jobs, is coz the only thing remotely stimulating in this office, goes on in my head...thus, keeping my hands busy and my brain functioning in its usual warped manner, is mighty fine by me.
Oh, I have 3 minutes to finish for the day and leave...my Envelope packing buddies have already departed the office. Pshaw! Sod the 3 minutes. Me go bye bye now.

Oh and I kinda' disclosed the secret of Beirut Express to Husna Aunty earlier on. I'M SORRY! I DIDN'T WANT TO! SHE FORCED ME! SHE HELD ME AT GUN POINT. SHE SUBJECTED ME TO SOVIET TORTURE! I WAS WEAK! AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! HA HA HAAAAAAAAA!!!

Day: Wednesday 14 July 2000..and something or other.
Time: 16:25 (and if u don't know what that is in English, taugh!)
Location: Office (and where else could I possibly be bored enough to blog??)

I'm sure this day is dragging on to bloody spite me, I can swear it is...It seems like its been 4:00 for bloody hours. No the office idiot is not enjoying herself today. She has completed a two page summary for some stupid NHS doccument which was as thick as a bullock, and now she is supposed to be doing research on Religeous discrimination and Human rights legislation...can someone tell me why? It's not like this is gonna save the bloody world is it? I mean, we all know, this place is goin down, so why delude ourselves with friggin research and conferences and projects, and...OOOOhh! a brain dead office task has just landed in my lap! Oh Joy! sticking address labels on big white envelopes- here I come!!

Day: Monday, one and a half weeks before Huden comes back!!
Time: 13:12 (and that's 1:12 pm in English)
Location: Office...yeeeees, I is back, and with a vengeance too.
Vengeance??: Yes, as of to day I have my own account. No more asking Romana what So and SO's password is (grins proudly)...and all thanks to the guy sitting across me, whose name I forgot :(

Man I haven't checked out this site in over a week, let alone written anything...and now I find that that the two pictures of Haido which I'd previously posted, far from clearing up disputes about his sexuality, has in fact made matters worse (as pictures of Haido often do, in my life). Thus, I have concluded, that we will no longer have any more pictures of Haido on this blogg...unless there are any objections..? no? I dind't think so. Hardly likely for there to be a great demand for Haido pictures coming from you, mundane lot, who's ideology of good-looks is restricted to widespread commercial opinion...and we all know what Plato said about ideology. Or wait, was it Socratese...I forget.

Any way, Shakila I promise to change your description...trying to think of something original, so bear with me.

And Tasneem, I sympathise with your attempt to draw an element of victory from peoples little misfortunes. Truly thou dost possess the spirit of The Optimist Opportunist, which is perhaps a rapidly growing species, self-developed to counter universal disfunctionalism and challenge the grimness and eternal dejection that is, present day society.
In short, the world needs people like you who point and laugh at others. Go forth and be fruitful my happy friend.

Right, back to business then. The Office today is boring and...well the usual rally, boring. No Shakila. No Romana. No Mo. A brief trace of Dalia, earlier on, but she's gone too now. And no Beirut Express. Yes. We have now lost hope that he will ever turn up again. We have buried him in the past and inscribed, 'Rest in Pease' upon his grave stone, because WE are dyslexic and proud!
Something very strange happened though, when I walked in this morning. I found Zaki sitting at Romana's desk, and before I could even say, "Hey, where's Roman?" (yes, very polite aren't I, No sweet good-mornings to anyone from me.) He goes to me: "You are Sev'" ...What??

I think I would have been more happy if someone greeted me with: "You are the One, Neo." early Monday Morning. But no. No such luck. I'm afraid my fantasies about being the chosen One, who will do great things to this world, with the lethal end of her mean samurai sword, will have to resume their dwellings inside my warped mind.

Any way, after the wave of confusion eventually ebbed, I found that Zaki only recently found out that, Elest and Sev' are the same person...and that the reason behind Sev's sudden and mysterious disappearance from his cousins life, is that Sev' turned into Elest.
What an enigma.

Could you blame me for trying to make my life more interesting?

Yes this site is looking quite nifty. and yes I haven't posted anything here for a while. this is because I have been trying to harness all my creative energy and channel it towards writing that damn novel, for the past few days...oh did I say writing? Pshaw! Me? Write? I'm afraid all creativity and literary inspiration flies out the window, the moment I sit at my lap top and open that doccument called 'Jezeabel'...and speaking of Jezeabel, apparently the name means, 'unclean and tainted' in Hebrew. trust the Jews to be so obsessed about uncleanliness and unworthiness...sheesh man, very positive outlook on life I say. and peoples thinks'es that I is grimm.

Any way, after having made that discovery I thought of changing my main pratoginist's name, since being something of an enlightened, prophet kind of character, it certainly would not suit him to be called 'dirty'...but then I said (internally ofcourse, incase someone accuses me of anti-Semitism), OI! YOU! JEWWWWS! NOOOOOOOOO! I named my character Jezeable, purely out of the sheer exotic sound of the name, and I am determined to keep him Jezeabel. So sucks to reading between the lines...which amounts to nothing but boring litterature papers.

Huh! and in any case, even if I had changed to second best on the name list, which was 'Matthias', that would probably eventually prove to mean something equally distasteful in the invigorating Hebrew language, such as 'smelly' or 'has never bathed' perhaps.

Any way, apparently I'm notthe only one with writers block, which makes me feel somewhat better. Yes, I had a long chat with Tas today. Woopeeeee!!! What a glorious day for bonding!

And yes, after the lovely conversation, with my lovely Tasy-poo, I found myself to be rather prone to thoughtfull silences, and have done much ponderring over the past few hours, of some very important issues in my life.

And the result of it all, is that I am determined to prove to you people, once and for all, that Hyde is a guy. Who is in fact very capable of growing facial hair, with more potential than Tas know's who! Yes, you guessed right, our once mutual friend, who'se only plight in life (apart from getting married) was to grow an impressive beard, but who, till now, has failed miserably.

So any way, I have rummaged arround the net, for a good 20 minutes, leaving no page unturned, and finally I have found sufficient and conclusive evidence to prove it (Click click new link under 'Click me')... and if your still not convinced, I'm afraid you're asking for too much because, I'm not inclined towards nudity, even if it is the hottest 5 foot 4" guy in the world. So if you're curious about whether he has tools or not, I don't wanna hear about it. dummm dumm dum dummmm...la laaaa laaa...I'm not list-en-inggg...la laaaaa laaaa!

Day: Just turned Wednesday
Time: 12:04
Location: Living room

(I have just discovered that the time which is displayed at the bottom of my posts is wrong. So if you don't want any more confusion in your lives ignore it.)

Well Today the Office idiot, completed the rough draft of a funding proposal (In English dat's just a begging letter) and she has done some filing...Aaaah, God bless brain dead office tasks, I love filing. :)
Whats that? i sound like I'm in a real good mood for someone with a real bad hair cut? it's not called a good mood, its called a temporary spell of boiterous-ness. Yes, Shakila and I launched into 'curiously animated' mode, in the office this afternoon. And if this sudden change from "This is NOT a career, I'm here for the money" American Gothic presenceless office presences, had rightfully raised a few eyebrows, we were too bussy wondering weather Beirut is located in Syria or Lebenon, to notice.

And yes, it is located in Lebenon. and yes Beirut Express is a restraunt, while Beirut Times, seems a more plausible job description for the Mr. Son of an embassidor, impressive cheekbones Beirut Express dude, who graced our grimm office about 3:00 pm-ish, and lightened the mood, merely by sitting cluelessly in the waiting area, across which Shakila was messing up her photocopying out of sheer excitment.

...Oh by the way, Shakila likes three spoons of sugar and a bit of milk, in her coffee. In spite of our air headed giggling, I was able to brew her the perfect cup.
What a glorious day for pipe-sized successes!

It looks crap. and it looks nothing like Hyde's hair style in the Hello video clip...don't bother clicking the temporary link under Click Me- my hair doesn't look a thing like that...or on second thoughts, check it out if you wanna see what it had aspired to be, but failed so miserably i the process. ...seen it? yeah, a bit ambitious aren't I?
Yet all in all, at times like this one appreciates more, what one often takes for granted, for instance: it has been unmistakeably demonstrated once again, through my ingenious ability to invent new ways of getting myself into crap and regretting it, that Islam, far from making life more difficult for people, makes life easier...and especially for the likes of me.
Alhamdullah, for the glorious invention that is the hijab! It has liberated women from the shame of bad hair days!

In a fit of madness and a desire to be freakishly unattractive I have chopped off all of my hair.
the back of my head is practically bald (not a sight you'd wanna see), and the rest is just real short...I kinda tried to make it Haido style (click the temporary link under Click Me) but just how much it came over is questionable...and although it looks kinda Rock-starish right now, how its gonna look after a bath is a mystery.
Well, at least one thing I can say for certain, is that Rapunzel is no more.

DIE RAPUNZEL, DIE! MUWA HA HA HA HAAAAAA!

..ehem...Thank You.

Imam Bayildi (the imam fainted) is a very popular turkish dish made of eggplant, which is plit down the middle, stuffed with mince meat, coverd with tomato sauce, then put into the oven. basically one might describe it as stuffed egg plant. it goes best with rice and is in fact very similar to another eggplant dish called Karni Yarik (its stomach is slit). So much so that I, who have been half Turkish fro 21 years, still cannot tell the difference between the two because they are prepared so smilarly and taste exactly the same.

YEAH, I KNOW THE BLOODY PICTURE IS MISSING! A POX O'YOUR INSOLENCE, I'M WORKING ON IT!

You know, if u completely missed the point of my last blogg as did my little sister, I would like to take this time to say, (and i have all the time in the world before 9:30 when I will be able to break my fast) that it was merely a classic example of what Shigure kun likes to call misdirected rage.

The Turks are in fact people who are strong and very endurable, while the Japanese are...well they do have some drastic methods of dealing with failiure. On the whole however, perhaps what many of us would find most agreeable is the Cypriot. for there is much wisdome in the ways of the Cypriot who is a fowl mouthed, glutonouos being and a true epicurean by nature. Here is what would happen if we were to subject a Cypriot to the same scenario as in the last blogg:

Scenario 3 is how a Cypriot would act in the face of misfortune

Ali is walking down the street in Ankara (what he's doing there I don't know but that's besides the point. what? why does he have to be in Ankara? because Ankara is a city which is located in a giant hole in Turkey and is full of holes everywhere; and hence, the best place to fall into one)...yes where was I before I was so rudely side tracked by unnecessary questions...oh yeah, Ali is walking down the street, and he trips and falls into a hole which the Electricity company, water company of Turkish Telecome just recently opened up...and ofcourse, as did Turkish Mehmet and Japanese Mehmet, he goes blind. His initial reaction to this is to curse "Gavole!" (translators note: this is a curse, with Greek origins, which implies a summoning of the Devil) "Kim kodu bu cukuru bura be?! kor oldum, Esek tepsin genleri!" (translation: Oi who put this hole here?! I've gone blind, may a donkey kick them!) And then Ali, still cursing under his breath, picks himself up, goes back home to Cyprus where he tells all his neighbours "Ne haller be, ne haller." (very bad translation: what situations man, what situations.) and has a big barbeque, and then roast lamb with potetoes the next day, and another barbeque the day after, and more roast lamb and potatoes the day after that.

I have just concluded that all Turks, and I don't mean to generalise, so not all, but all Modern day Turks, like the Turks of Today, the Turks u see at your local Turkish or Cypriot shop, the Turks who are arguing with the cashiere in fron of u at the bank, the Turks on the bus, sitting in the seats across the isle, the Turks at the airport on their way to Germany or Turkey, All the Turks in Germany, Turkey and all other parts of the world, alive right now, today.. and even the Turks in the office, who you have to sit and listen to, bickerring back and forth between themselves, about the icompetence of so and so or how such and such was swindelled, while ur trying to suss how to write a firgin proposal...yes all those Turks are a lot of miserable, pesimistic, hard to please, disenchanted nincumpoops, Who always have some qualm or something to complain about. This is because deep down, everyone of them are ashamed of what they are in comparrison to what their ancesstors were, so what they do is take it out on the inadequecy of life.

I mean, if the Japanese are a love-deprived nation with the highest rate of suicides in the world, Turks are simply a nation who has the potential of nocking them off theire place at the top of the 'countries that are going to the dogs' list, only, they have no age old notion of Hara-kiri, ingraned into their psychee.
Maybe if they had, they'd have been a bit more romantic at least...here I'll give u 2 scenarios:

Scenario 1 is how a Turkish guy would ordinarily react in the face of misfortune:

Mehmet is walking down a street in Ankara, trips and falls into a hole in the ground that the electricity company, water company or Turkish Telecome recently dug up, and goes blind (don't ask how, this kinda stuff always happens in Turkish movies), and he spends the rest of his life complaining that he is half a man.

scenario 2 is how a Turkish guy would react in the face of misfortune, if he was Japanese:

Mehmet (clad in Kimono) is walking down a street in Ankara, trips and falls into a hole in the ground that the electricity company, water company or Turkish Telecome recently dug up, and goes blind (don't ask how, this is my story), he promptly takes out his samurai sword and stabs himself in the stomach, so as not to face the dishonour of not being able to see.

Now which one's better...ha?

Day: Wednesday
Time: 18:29 ...(in English thats 6:29)
Location: Office

Today the Office Idiot has completed gathering data for an equality monitoring, and put them into lovely pie charts and bar charts of various different, and exciting colours! A glorious day for equality wary people!
For the record, today I do not look like a pansy girl, for I have challenged the stifling heat and worn my army boots to work. ..aaah, confidence is surely bliss. God bless the bloke responsible for comin up with unisex shoes, and rescuing women with brains, from having to endure the ridicule of teetirring about in stillethoe's, like their fellow sisters, who unfortunately are less fortunate in the brain department..though they may be more fortunate in other places. but then, that too is a matter of opinion really, don't u think?

OH, shakila is also finished. Must dash. Tallyhoo!

Location: still Office

I have come into work wearing Saimecan's red Skirt and my mom's Jesus Sandals, after realising this morning that I barely own any summer clothes.
Oh what a glorious glorious day for Goths! while my newrocks sit waiting for the cold spells of winter to grace this blasted country once again,I am having to dress like a panssy girl...
...this is so damaging :(

Oh I get it, this is my wardrobes way of telling me I need to go shopping right?...So what do I do? Well I turn arround and give it the finger offcourse! Me? Go shopping? Pshaw!

Location: Office

this site has been under construction for waaaay too long, with no sign f development. so I hereby declare that this site is no longer under construction it is complete. and if u no likey, TOUGH! I have run out of funds and patience to continue bugging my lil sis to fix it up for me. this is the best Elest can do.

oh yeah, i forgot: Fruits basket was delivered on Friday. YIPPEEE! ...sorry that sounded a bit flat...it was a delayed blogg reaction of excitment, and hence somewhat lacking in enthusiasm. At the time I was genuinely excited, I assure u.

My inspiration is being channeled in the wrong direction, and my stomach keeps growling. No its not trying to tell me I'm hungry, it just wanted to know if in Iceland they drive cars on the right or left side of the road. I told it, they didnt have cars in Iceland. So it asked me if they didnt have cars what did they drive there. and I said they didnt drive, they rode on raindeer and used sleds pulled by little African pigmees in green pyjamas and stupid looking wings sticking out the sides of their heads. and when it asked what the wings were for, I told it to shutup.

Ima get myself a drink...meanwhile here's a bit of dialogue from Fruits Basket- only coz I can't be bothered to write out a summary to justify my appreciation of a cartoon at age 21, for people who probably arent even gonna read it. you anime-phobes!

Shigure: Tohru, I'm a dog. Yuki here, he's a rat. Thats Kyo, don't let him scare you with his temper he's got a bit of a chip on his shoulder.
Tohru: so this is...normal?
Shigure: Well strange choice of words, but yes, our family has lived with this curse for generations. We turn into the twelve animals of the Zodiac-
Kyo: Grrrrrrr, (twitch twitch).
Shigure: Sorry, the twelve animals, plus the cat. Any way,whenever our bodies go under alot of stress, or when we're hugged by a member of the oposite sex, we transform. We change back eventually...the only problem is..
SFX: POOF! (FLUFFY SMOKE CLOUD)
Shigure: ...We're naked.
Tohru: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

No I havent fixed up the links and stuff yet. I can't be bothered, u gotta problem!? anyway, I been sitting here on the floor cushions wiv my laptop for about 4 or 5 hours now. the intention was to get some writing done. instead, I chatted away to 'vita detestabilis' and 'Kooky kitty', who was packing her life away in plastic bags. what are the odds of me ever finishing this thing? ok, dats not all too implausible, but what are the odds of me publishing? and guess what mommy said to me last night.
Mommy: Elest its 1:00 am go to bed.
Elest: ...
Mommy: Elest your gonna screw up ur eyes, come on ur tired as it is.
Elest: ...
Mommy: Elest, stop writing that there's gonna be a war soon any way.

Yes...I was feeling rather suicidal at this point.
Ok, im gonna try again now...wat i need is some inspiration...lets play something from Buddah Bar.

oh by the way, the reason why I am unhappy is not because Tas has flounced off to Dubai tonight. neither is it because I have nothing to wear to Farhanas wedding, nor the fact that I'm skint, or dying to get the hell outa this country and unable to go visit my dad, coz everything in our lives seems to be on the hold presently, so that i can't even book my tickets.

I am unhappy because my Fruits Basket DVD still hasn't come yet. Grrrrrr.

This page has been ugly for faaaar too long, construction or no construction; I can't wait for Saimecan to be hit by a stroke of genius and the necesary spell of creativity to finish my blog-spot, so I have taken matters into my own hands and found a straightforward, pleasant looking design and done it up ALL BY MY SELF! at first I thought it woould be temporary, but I'm now thinking I might keep it for longer, coz I'm starting to like it...not to mention the image, though blurry, features Fruits Basket (one of my fav. anime's...and thats a bit of info for those who are too ashamed of my interrests to confront the reality of what I currently enjoy watching. Injustice i tell u, injustice and intollerance. U don't hear me complaingin about other peoples OCT California what ever the crap have u, I prob got the name wrong, but u know what I mean.)
and speaking of Fruits Basket, THE SECOND VOLUME'S BEING RELEASED ON THE 7TH!!! and I'd orderred it from Amazon, ages ago..back in the good old days when I had money, so soon enough, I will wake up one of these mornings to the lovely sound of a package falling through the leter slit, and onto my threash-hold, and I will turn over in bed for another hour of sleep, with a huge smile on my face!
I'd love to give people an idea of what the show is about- in order to elliminate ur prejudices, derrived from what obviously seems rather childish due to the the stupid little boogy eyed Sailor Moon face on the girl in the middle...but its late now, so I shall go to bed, and do so in a later post.

And no, I'm afraid I haven't grown up much.

Location: still at bloody Imperial

Basu ni norimasu.
(get on the bus.)
Basu wo orimasu.
(get off the bus.)
Koko de tobako wo sutte mo ii desuka?
(can I smoke here?)
Tsugi no kado de hidari ni magatte massugu itte kudasai.
(turn left at the next corner and then go straigh please.)
Watashi no uchi de nani wo shiteimasuka sukebe san?
(what are you doing in my house mr. pervert?)
Watashi no mimi wo tabenai de kudasai.
(please don't eat my ears.)

Location: Imperial University library

No I am not at Hudens Uni to check out the cute Jap guys, of which there are many,(Shakila! dude! u gotta hang out here!) I am here to study for my Japanese exam, which is in approximately 20 hours time- u know thats not even a full day! thats 4 hours less than a full day! and I haven't done Jack till now!
SO why have I chosen Hudens uni, where there are many cute Jap guys, to study, of all places? I mean I can go to my uni right?

Well its simple; I had to come down here to pick up some BALLET TICKECTS FOR SWAN LAKE At THE ROYAL ALBERT HALL! (I can't tell u how I got them for free...its a secret.) So then after collecting them from the secretaries, i decided I'd study at the library, and save on travel time, instead of treaking all the way up to Kings.

But about the Ballet, I have 4 tickest now, and my family is currently 3 people and a half, (the half being the fat flat face persian) since Hudens in the Maldives, and since we can't take the cat to the Ballet, I have one spare ticket.
About an hour ago i invited Tas, and am still waiting for a reply. Maaaan, u'd think the girl would be a bit more enthusiastic, u know! sheesh.

AAAAAH ITS 14:46!

Ok, I will study now.

test run

forgive my lack of creativity