Hello, and welcome to another evening of Nocturnal Rants. I am your host, Elest, and our first guest tonight is Shinji, from the anime which blue the world away, Neon Genesis Evangelion.
El: Hello Shinji, how are you?
Shinji: (staring at his hands) I am so F#!*ed up!
El: Errr..oh. ok. So about your role as the First Child, can you tell us how it feels to kick Angel butt, only to have the crap beaten out of u a dozen times over by everyone and anyone on the show? It must get pretty tiring.
Shinji: (is now hugging his knees to himself, and rocking back and forth) I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away...
El: (tries not to be put off by him.) I myself have always wonderred what pleasure the director took in having a kid, pushed to his limits, both physically and mentally...but then that leads me to wonder, what kinda people actually enjoy watching this crap. I mean, a hand full of 14 year olds ruthlessly hospitalised, painstakingly healed, and strapped up in clingy body armour, only to be ruthlessly hosptalised again? I only watched the 'End of Evangellion' and 'Death and Rebirth' episodes, and I was clinically insane for 3 days.
Shinji: I don't wanna die. I do't wana die. I don't wanna die. I don't wanna die...
El: (is feeling helpless. She scratches her head.) ...Ok. seeing as any trace of a conversation we'd begun has just died a pathetic death, I might as well fill in the silence and speak of my own accord, right? (looks at Shinji who is terribly traumatised) Oh guess what, My SIS IS COMING HOME IN 6 DAYS! WOOHOOOO! (El's enthusiastic cheers has driven Shinji to the brink of his trauma.)
Shinji: I DON'T WANNA DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
El: (ignores Shinji) So yeah, other than that, errr, I'm sure somin worth blogging about happened today, but I find I have forgotten what it was, and any attempt at trying to recall it, is in vain...the blasted thing eludes me.. (looks at Shinji, who is no longer yelling at the top of his lungs.)
Shinji: Help me Aska. Please help me. Aska, help. Help me Aska. Please. Aska?
El: Ok is it possible to get this disfunctional little runt outa here? (two big men in black appear, grap Shinji, who is as limp as a noodle, and walk away with him.) Thank you.
Hey I just realised, they made this blog thing pretty snazzy. You can make your writing colourfull...Yes, we have red, and blue and pink and green and my personal favourate burt orange ...which actually looks friggin brown. oh how shamefull, this is a travesty of burnt orange. I suppose we just gotta settle for this. or this.
But I think I like yello :) Yessssss, I am but a Vangooo at heart :) Which reminds me, Our next guest on the show, is Joseph Stalin. What does Joseph Stalin have to do with Vangooo? You're real dumb you know that? (brushes off her iritation.)
El: Hello.
Stalin: Hmmmm
El: Ok, I'll call up a 3rd guest, coz I have a vague feeling this guy is as interresting a life support machiene. Lets see....someone loud. Aha! The Hoola Hoop Man.
Hoola Hoop Man: OI YOU STALIN! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
El: Shhhh! Don't shout like that.
Hoola Hoop Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 'OOL 'OOPS A' ROUND, AND THEY'LL STAY ROUND FO' EVAAA!
El: (makes the Hool Hoop Man dissapear, before Stalin gets too p..ed off) Ok, that was a bad idea. Lets invite, umm...Hyde! YESSS! ehem, Konbanawa Haido san.
Hyde: Konbanwa.
El: (is grinning like an idiot) Genki desuka? -translation: how are you?
Hyde: Anoooooo. -translation: ummmmm. (scratches his head, and thinks deeply.)
El: (grin dissapears, and she cocks an eyebrow...but is interrupted in mid eyebrow cock and turns to Stalin who is tapping her on the shoulder.) Yes? Whats that? You want to go to the bathroom?
Stalin: Da
El: But you went twice already. What? Your moustach?
Stalin: Da
El: But its fine, why do you need to comb it every few minutes?
Hitler: (appears out of no where.) bicoz it is crrrude. end 'her Stalin, he has en inferiority complex.
Stalin: Da.
El: Oi where did you come from? bugg off!
Hitler: Shut up..or I vill vak you across ze feas!
El: Ha?
Hyde: Anoooo -translation: ummmm (is still scratching his head.)
El: Oh, you shut up and look pretty, idiot, some help you are at keeping up a stimulating conversation.
Hyde: ...
El: Ok, I'm putting my foot down. things are getting out of control here. Hitler, you be gone. (Hitler, miraculously dissapears, just as he'd opene his mouth to say something.) Stalin, here's a comb, here's a mirror, you do your grooming where your told to.
Stalin: (takes the comb and mirror) Da.
El: stupid Ruski.
Stalin: Da.
El: (notices that Hyde, is on his knees and trying to stick his hand under the green sofa.) And what the hell are you doing?
Hyde: (looks at El stupidly) Nani mo. -translation: nothing
El: Then sit'own!
Hyde: ... (has sat down and is fiddling his thumbs.)
El: Right. well I guess the moral of tonights show is that all dictators have moustaches, and good looking men don't necessarily have brains.
Stalin: Da.
El: Next time Ima choose my guests more wisely. What? What do you mean, how about Musolini? He had one in secret idiot, everyone knows that!
...Man I wonder. does anyone ever actually bother reading some of the crap I write here??