Since we were on the subject of Lacan..

'Fantasies have to be unrealistic, because the moment, the second that you get what you seek, you don't, you can't want it any more. In order to continue to exist, desire must have it's objects perpetually absent. It's not the 'it' that you want it's the fantasy of 'it'. Desire supports crazy fantasies. This is what pascal means when he says that we are only truly happy when daydreaming about future happiness. That's why we say the hunt is sweeter than the kill, or be careful what you wish for, not because you'll get it but because you're doomed to not want it once you do. The lesson of Lacan is, living by your wants will never make you happy, what it means to be fully human is to strive to live by ideas and ideals, and not to measure your life in terms of your desires but those small moments of integrity, passion, rationality, even self sacrifice...because in the end, the only way that we can measure the significance of our own lives is by valuing the lives of others.'

-The Life of David Gale-

Go figure...maybe thats why there is that little fleeting measure of beauty in the pang of pain you feel, when your heart is breaking the most...It might be the comfort of knowing that your suffering, or the immediate sacrifice of your desires is worth it in the long run...or it might be God telling you that he's there.

I can sense another surreal day coming up.
Meanwhile:

The cynic is a person who has a desperate faith in those things, which others are able to grow out of. We hold on longer to the lies we were told in our childhood...hold on and put off, for as long as we can, the responsibility of taking seriously a world, which is cold, and brutal and empty and so utterly lonely. Until eventually, the cold, the brutality and loneliness kills the will to keep standing up every time we're knocked down...and crouching safely in our corners, enduring the blows, but taking comfort in maintaining at least the dignity of not having to keep falling on our faces...disillusionment comes home, and shows us the abyss.
When the emptiness is a huge reality that will not go away, when all our little vehicles of escapism fall short and there is no fix, no amount of pixie dust which will transport us to an eternal plain of never having existed here, and like this; all we are left with is the world we've already rejected.

I'm looking for the strength to believe again.

• 
• Ideally I would like to start off by saying something in regards to Monday 14th, however an encounter with a certain individual a few days ago reminded me that wallpapers have ears, thus I shall be as quiet, quiet, quiet as a little quiet church mouse hiding in the vestry from the pervy priest. However, those of you who already know will understand when I do this: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
• Ehem...so, since I can't say anything in regards to Monday, I could instead start off by saying that the last blog I wrote pissed me off immensely by disappearing before I could publish it.
• But I won't.
• How is this for randomness: the night before last I got a call from Tarik. Just innit.
• And this: The contents of my refiridgerator (and I know I've spelt it wrong, I did it on purpose u see) amounts to slice cheese, 3 cartons of Innocent fruit smoothie (Shut up, I had to stock up when they were half price) and a lemon :) This tells me I should probably go grocery shopping.
• Perhaps I should start thinking about going today...what say you stomach? Hmmm, it growls: You'd best get some basic sustenance soon before I start consuming my own walls you irresponsible dimwit. And I don't like your hair!
• Yes, stomach has touched on a good point...The 'need-to-make-drastic-changes-to-my-life' mood has hit the shores of that fickle thing that is Elest's temperaments again.
• Thus on Monday I got 2 more piercings. We are now 6 piercings and counting. Heh heh heh!...though really I have no reason to chuckle idiotly about at this point in time because THEY HURT!
• And I am giving some serious thought to dying my hair purple.
• And no, I did not do the Boy George thing (yet), so anyone who intends to get married this summer (of which there are so many of you, that I'm beginning to suspect it is all just a ploy to spite me) don't worry, I shant be ruining the happiest day of your life by showing up with rock star hair that so doesn't go with the sari I borrowed off someone.
• Instead I am plotting an even more elaborate plan.
• And since we're on the subject of marriage, I am giving further serious thought to adopting a baby...and a Chinese one, preferably. Alternatively, I may go to China and work in an orphanage. Time will tell.
• Misaki chan gave me some DVDs of a popular Japanese teen drama called PRIDE last night. Say what? Of course it's in Japanese, foo! Does it have subtitles? Yes actually, it has Chinese subtitles. Now as useful as Chinese subtitles are, I'm afraid that since my Chinese is worse than my Japanese, I doubt I will be getting any of the jokes.
• Misaki chan said it'll help improve my Japanese. You will grant that under the circumstances, the likelihood of this happening is rather grim...but who gives a toss, the main actor in it is DAMN CUTE (well...kinda), so I'm gonna watch it any way.
• Have you noticed how this blog is following a very cohesive train of thought sequence...hmmm, neat that.
• Any way, before I dash off to engage in the increadibly important task of composing my shopping list, I no longer have a stupid crush on Joshua. It was the dorky bandana that did it I tell you. It was not Mexico.
• ...D'oh! I was so close! Noooo!...It was the final post!
• Stinky Covent Garden Cheese shop, here we come :(

Don't mind Ed, he's just running away from great balls of fire.

Now leaving Ed to his thing. I've had my poll up for an entire week now, and really you'd think people would be more enthusiastic about playing about with a persons life...i mean image, we are living in the sad age of reality TV post Big Brother after all. But noooo, I only got 3 votes. 3! WHAT THA HELL AM I SUPPOSE' TO DO WITH 3 VOTES? Ha!? Not to mention, 3 votes out of which, the validity of one is questionable, since it came from Misba... leaving me with a grand total of 2! I speet on them! ...and yet I am forced to make a decision. Both Sarah and Saimecanii chose hairstyle number 3... and the only other person (whose vote doesn't count coz she's Misba) in oposition of 'popular demand' chose the Spike. What does that tell me? That tells me the following:

• That tells me that Hairstyle 1 was propably too out of my league any way, coz I don't thinkmy hair is long enough to cut it in an anciaent Egyptian slant.
• That Hairstyle i-donno-what-number from the Hello video clip was probably too Rock Starish for some.
• And also that hairstyle Boy George was the least popular among voters.

So what will Elest do at this most critical moment? Elest will (drum roll) go for hairstyle Boy George. (Mad screaming and booing and confusion and utter chaos amidst the audience. Rotten vegetables are hurrled. In the panic old pensioners are crushed under the bustling crowd which has gone mad. the HOOLA HOOPS man yells 'oi you, walnuts! Noooooooooo!' The only gay eskimo in the crowd starts singing and waving a big pancart that reads 'We want more crazy naked runners down Camden High street.' People start beating each other up for no reason at all. John Stikes does a funny dance.) SHUTUP! (the crown freezes) I might be tempted to change my mind if I get any other votes by the end of today. (utter silence. a cricket can be heard chirping. somebody stomps on it.)

Now, I shall get back to my reading...will keep checking back here every so often. Meanwhile, be good :) ...what's that? Someone has a question- Why am I discriminating against Misba's vote? Coz she's Misba, thats why, and watch your stupid political correctness, you'll offend her.