When it comes to falling, do men hit harder? Is the velocity stronger? Has it something to do with weight? Our physical make up? Or is it that our masculine fellow beings are the pansy girls who moan more over their pain?
Maybe it's cultural?
Maybe we've been fashioned by a world which has no sympathy for melodrama; so that we can't allow ourselves the the indulgence...to wallow in self pity, to wallow in desperation, to wallow in the sadness eating up inside.
You do not deserve sympathy.
You do not deserve comfort.
You do not deserve this sadness, when others have sadnesses that are so much more real.
I hate you for wanting to.
I write it on your flesh, your limbs, where you can see it and not forget.
So it begins all over again. Some things just won't take the hint and piss off for good. They're like those annoying acquaintances you never wish you made.
Any way, initially there was more to this crap I've been needing to spew all week, but couldn't. I deleted it all and fealt real good afterwards.
Sometimes though, it's better not to say anything. Not because apparenlty in 22 years of not saying what matterred to make a difference, because I never knew what it was, and because it may not have been proper -(and I'm sorry if you're reading this and still finding it improper and too personal. If it makes you ashamed, then don't.) -but because words are so ugly.
STOP TRYING TO GIVE MY CONFUSION A NAME WHEN ITS TOO BIG AND MESSY FOR ME TO CONTAIN IT IN SHAPE. STOP WATERING DOWN MY FEELINGS.