I blame Park Chan-wook. I blame him and his stupid Lady Vengence, entirely, for no apparent cause or reason other than that I simply I want to blame him. If you haven't watched Old Boy or Lady Vengence, you don't know what you're missing and it's better that you never do, my friend. Ignore all the reviews, or anything anyone idiotly optimistic tells you, because I've never fealt so sick and utterly defiled by a film before.

Owch.

24.
Disenchanted and deeply dissapointed in what I'm growing out of and into.
A feeling of despair and very real emptiness.
Regret.
Hurt.
I dont know if I can pull through this month...I think I might bleed to death. Hmmm...would that be such a tragedy? These days I think I believe too often that my absence wouldn't cause anyone too great a heart ache. Really, Elest isn't filling any great voids in anyones life. She isn't bringing infinate joy to her loved ones. She isn't producing any increadible masterpieces to benefit mankind in the future. She simply just isnt and doesn't, that's what she is and does.

No, it wouldn't be such a great tragedy if I bled to death.

You can't fix the unfixable or go back and change the inevitable. You can't be anything more than what you've become, even if it was all you ever wanted. In the end, we're just left alone with our mistakes, and we get by with all the guilt, and the regret, and the despair, and the crazy nostalgia which is all thanks to nothing and no one but you.
If I could turn back time, would I have done things differently? I don't know. But I am so very flawed, and so very sorry.