If I had a special someone I wanted to communicate my most tender feelings for. And I was gonna buy into a massive commercial cop-out in order to do so. And I was gonna pick a single day out the entire year, which I have endlessly been told is special, across every medium of advertisement for the past month. and having been thoroughly brainwashed, I was gonna march my little legs over to Clintons where people pay to have glossy, impersonal cards say for them, what they could very well do a better job of saying themselves (if only they'd sit their special someone's down and strip down to their honest cores.) And in Clintons I was gonna purchase one such card that would tell my special someone what I feel about them. Hypothetically speaking. Then, I would probably have purchased this:
To every happy couple out there: May your genetically modified roses not smell, and may your heart shaped chocolates make you fat, and may you realise on waking up the next morning that you can't buy romance.
And to the singles: You guys aint gonna know the value of what you got until someone shoves a tastless cliche down your throat every February 14th for the rest of that lack-lustre life you commit to sharing with someone for the sake of commiting. Pray it doesn't happen.
Happy Valentines Day
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